


One Last Night

by LeahFreya



Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-09-30 13:57:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 32,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17225315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeahFreya/pseuds/LeahFreya
Summary: New York City... the city has different meaning to Lara Jean and Peter. For Lara Jean, it's a dream that had become a reality, while for Peter, it has become his escape from his reality. Six years after breaking up, they meet again by chance or by fate. How will they take this night in this city together after being apart for so long? (Read for detailed summary... please?)





	1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Testing 1,2,3_

_DISCLAIMER! (i did some editing since the years doesnt match)_

* * *

_Lara Jean Song Covey believed that if you truly love someone everything else will just be set into place, that love will always be enough. She did do her best to keep her relationship with Peter Grant Kavinsky going and she knew in her heart that Peter did too... but sometimes love isn't enough. And at times the saying is real as it goes, if you do love someone you have to let them go._

_After eight, life goes on for the two. Lara Jean has become an co-owner of a slow growing Pastry shop franchise in of East Coast, owning bakeries in four states now she's ready to open her main shop in New York City, the state where she dreams of living._

_Peter is now a well renowned actor in hollywood, he is a Golden Globe and Academy nominated for his first break out role just three years after he started his acting career._

_New York is where they finally collide after eight years. One night that can change their lives forever... will it be for the better or the worse?_

* * *

** Chapter One **

_**Lara Jean POV** _

_"_ _Breaking E-News. Peter Kavinsky was spotted in Las Vegas tonight at a night club with rumoured girlfriend actress Lana Condor... two claims claims they are just friends but they have been rather cozy after breaking up with their recent signi—"_

Leah Steele shuts off the television sort of cursing the news. She has been my best friend since junior year after taking one elective baking class. "Breaking E-news...  _right. That_  sounds dumb if you ask me. That's not breaking news if Peter Kavinsky is such a  _slut_." She's probably mentioning about the fact that Peter gets linked to a lot of female actresses lately after his break up from his year long relationship three months ago.

"I don't think slut is the right term for male,  _man-whore_  would be more appropriate," Charlie Roberts corrected Brandy as she checks if the lights are working perfectly for tomorrow night's opening day.

Brandy Jarvis just stares at me waiting for me to say something and she looks rather apologetic. Out of the three of my best friends, only Brandy has met Peter before he became this huge hollywood actor. Back when he was still  _My Peter,_ and not the whole world's Peter. Wow, has it really only been eight years since we've broken up. It seems like a lifetime ago.

Maybe because back then, I was still a kid trying to be an adult, romanticising a relationship I didn't realize was going to be so difficult . We held out for almost two years but the distance was such a struggle we just couldn't keep up with each other anymore. We were girlfriend and boyfriend by title but we didn't really know anything enough of each other's lives anymore. I was busy with my life in UNC, while he was busier with his (Lacrosse, practice, school). We had totally become strangers to each other. We broke up months before of our sophomore year ended. I haven't spoken or seen him since. That summer and summers after that he would started taking some acting classes in Los Angeles some agency offered to give him. Then he finally moved to LA after he graduated and did some tv show for a year and then his break through role four years ago in a movie which landed him some nominations putting him on the map as one of the best actors in this era younger than 25.

"Lara Jean," Leah's voice brings me back from my thoughts and she had her arms on her chest, tapping her foot aggressively. It seems that she has been calling for my name more than once to be this irritated.

"Um?" I cleared my throat, I cannot lie that I haven't paid close attention to what Leah is saying. "Sorry..."

"Told you she  _wasn't_  listening," Charlie chuckles.

Leah sighs exasperatedly, "If you could for one second stop thinking about  _your fiancé_ , and focus on the opening tomorrow." She points at my fingers while I'm fiddling with my engagement ring.

I immediately stop and shove my hands into my pocket, blushing wildly. I've only been engaged for a week that's why it still feels weird wearing this ring. I mean, that's the only explanation. "You were saying?"

"Leah was asking if the press that's invited for tomorrow opening called to confirm they will be here," Brandy says for Leah.

I nod, "Most the invites we sent, had called to confirm. The Food Network called for an invite, and I said  _yes_ "

Leah's eyes widens in shock and is flustered by this information I decided to throw at her just now. "What? Oh my god! And you neglected to tell me this  _why_?!" She takes quicks steps towards me, grabs me by the shoulder to shake me more than once. I could feel my teeth clatter together, " _Lara Jean Song Covey!_ " She says my name per syllable heavily.

I just laugh, "To miss out on  _this_  reaction, hell no!"

Leah tears up and wraps her arms around me. She's trying not to cry I know it.

"Who would have thought that you two's insane idea back in Junior year would come to life and be this huge hit!" Charlie joins in our hug even though she knows about the Food Network invite.

Leah and I had this crazy idea of wanting to open a bakery, two months into our baking class for a class elective. This planning came to life slowly by eventually starting off as a fun gig of selling baked items at college parties to selling them during huge school events then even further to opening a small shop we called  _Sweet Song_ in Chapel Hill then eventually in three years, branching out to different states going up north to finally our dream State, New York.

If people ask me how we got here, I can't really answer that but our business just boomed one summer and when small bakery was used as a venue for a romantic-comedy movie stared by Tom Hiddleston and Anna Kendrick. And since then, we were packed that we had to open a new one then demand got bigger and of course I had to open one in Virginia, then one in Maryland, New Jersey then New York all in a span of five years.

Leah wipes her tears as she finally breaks the hug and stares at, Charlie, her best friend since high school. "If it wasn't for your crazy rich money, none of this would have happened." This is true though, Charlie comes from an incredibly wealth family, I'm talking  _like_  summer home Cape Cod, house in the Hampton's, or even a beach house in Malibu if the east coast gets too cold, that kind of rich.

Charlie waves it off, like it was nothing. "Seriously, as soon as I tried one of Lara Jean's cakes, I  _knew_  it's a good investment." Says the business major.

"Don't forget Leah's too." Brandy teased as she gestures at Leah's pout when her baking skills were not a choice of the investments.

Charlie laughs and forces the pout on Leah's face for a smile. "You know I love your stuff..."

Then Leah shrugs, "Well, Lara Jean's  _are_  better."

I blush and shake my head. I hate it when our stuff is being compared when clearly it's both our creations that's making this shop grow as it is.

And Leah knows this that's why she hugs me again trying to distract me. "The Food Network!  _Yay_!" But she's far too enthusiastic for me to believe her this time.

I don't hug her back, " _It's not working..._ " I grumble in fake annoyance and pull away from Charlie and Leah.

"You're no fun Lara Jean," Charlie protests.

And I stick my tongue out both of them, and I linked my arm on Brandy's.

"Can we go back to the hotel now  _please?_   _Like seriously?_ We have a big day tomorrow." Brandy says to us since Leah and Charlie have been meticulous about today's preparation that they had to keep double checking everything which we could do tomorrow still.

Leah takes one more look around and nods, "Sure. My husband is waiting for me in the hotel, and I need to breastfeed."

Brandy was taken aback by this and almost gags, " _Jeez_  woman,  _boundaries_!"

We all laugh at our friend. She super despises babies and only tolerates Leah's baby. "Please, we are all women here, and will have kids eventually."

Brandy shakes her head furiously. " _Never_  and that will be what I say to the first guy who I want to take seriously."

" _Seriously_  like Jackson Wang?" Charlie teases.

Brandy doesn't take the bait and she just rolls her eyes. She has been dodging this question about this new guy we've met a couple times already. I just patiently wait for her to say something about it like she always does, no amount of teasing from Charlie or Leah will get her to cave. "Bite me, Roberts." Then flips off Charlie with an innocent smile.

Charlie winks at Brandy, "You aren't my type, darling."

"Okay for real, I want to get my rest or else I will be cranky tomorrow." Brandy demands as she starts to drag me out the shop.

"Okay, okay..." Leah and Charlie follows.

As soon as we got out of the building, Charlie only stood by the curb when a car pulls up of infront us. Gosh, this girl is insanely rich. She doesn't have to lift a finger much to do anything and everything is handed to her on a silver platter, which I'm lucky enough that she shares with us,

Leah walks in the car while she was on the phone talking to Gavin, her husband, telling him she's on her way.

Charlie looks at me, to wait to for me get in but I shook my head. "I want to walk there," the Hotel isn't that far from here, it would probably take me faster to get to the hotel if I did than ride with them.

Charlie just nods, she gets in the car. She has knows my love for New York city. There is no way I am going to waste away the view by being stuck in traffic. "Okay," she gets in. She doesn't close the door when she sees Brandy not moving. "You coming?"

"Nope," Brandy said.

Charlie grins teasingly, she knows what this means. "Is Jackson in New York too?"

"Bye Charlie," then Brandy closes the door on Charlie's face before she can protest. The car drove away almost immediately.

" _Simple_  yes or no question," I say to Brandy when we were just staring at each other waiting for someone to speak.

" _Maybe_." Brandy raises an eyebrow, curious. She knows I wouldn't be blunt enough to ask her about this guy but I have my ways to get around that without directly stating the question.

"Are you staying at the hotel  _tonight?_ "

She smiles, "No." One word has already given me all the answers I need. Brandy and I have were roommates all of college that she and I don't really need much to say to not know what the other is thinking.

"Okay," I just nod. I was looking at my hand again, for some reason the ring on my left hand seems heavier than it should. I started playing with my ring again, wondering to myself why I still haven't gotten it resized to fit me properly.

"You haven't talked to him about wanting to move to New York haven't you?" Brandy asks me. She stops me from fiddling with the ring again.

I sigh, of course I haven't. My boyfriend, or  _fiancé rather_  has been so keen in staying in Virginia or North Carolina where we are much closer to our family. He didn't really know that opening this bakery in New York means I would be running it.

Brandy runs the branch in Maryland, Leah has a family so she gets the North Carolina branch. New Jersey is run by Leah's sister, while Virginia was mine but now management would be someone in Charlie's family soon.

"Well, he would move to New York in a heart beat, you know that." Brandy reassures me with a light squeeze to my arm for comfort.

I pursed my lips together, I know this but it would be difficult for him to move that easily, his job makes it harder now that he has make a name for himself in the firm he is in. Moving would mean, starting over. All the work he has built up for the past three years would go to waste.

Brandy's phone goes off which she immediately shuts off but not before seeing who her caller is. Then a honk just across the street, a motorbike. She gives me a guilty look, she's leaving me now.

I giggle at her, and push her off. "Go." Jackson lifts his visor for his helmet and gives me a wave. "Take care of Brandy!" I call at him as I ready to send off my bestfriend to this badboy looking guy when really he's the sweetest thing.

"I will! Now give me my  _girlfriend_!" He says.

I gasp at this, Brandy never mentioned this to me. Oh she is in trouble...

"I love you?" She returns my glare with a smile.

I roll my eyes. "You owe me." When the crossing light turns green.

She nods eagerly then runs before the light turns red again, "Bye! Call me me when you get back to the hotel!"

"Suuuure," I said.

Then I just watched Brandy put on the spare helmet Jackson brought for her. She hops on, the both give me a wave before driving off, leaving me alone in block. It's already close to ten pm and sure, New York never sleeps but for some reason this side of the street does.

I stand in front of the shop. Even If my moving to New York isn't for certain, I can't believe that my New York dream has finally come true. It's not just mine but Leah's too. We have a Bakery in New York! A dream of two twenty year olds at the time, had become a reality!

My heart swelled and I breath in the air that NYC offers. Sure it's not fresh air but it's NYC! And I don't care. With the mood I am in, there is no way I'm going back to the hotel. I turn my heel facing the opposite direction, heading towards where the busy side of the city where it is more alive...

* * *

**_PETER POV_ **

_"_ _Breaking E-News. Peter Kavinsky was spotted in Las Vegas tonight at a night club with rumoured girlfriend actress Lana Condor...—"_

"Seriously don't people have  _other_  shit to do than butt into other people's lives?" I was ready to throw the remote at the television. Why doesn't this dam hotel not have better channels than this. I've browsed through this twice now and I'v already seen my face more than twice about me and Lana.

"Because, you keep parading girls  _left and right_. Of course that happens.  _Especially_  after you had just broken up with Camila." Owen tells me frankly like it was fault that I destroyed my year relationship.

"And I keep  _fucking_  telling you, that  _she_  cheated on me, what was I supposed to do?" I snapped at Owen, clearly displacing my anger towards him. I had given up already, I turn off the television and tossed the remote to the table too hard than I should have, it made a satisfying crash. The remote broke in half, great another way for this hotel to over charge for something stupid.

"Yet, her song she wrote, make it seems like  _she's the victim._ " Owen smirks, clearly entertained about how I'm being pegged the asshole when really,  _I'm the victim_. I found her with a former One Direction, in an almost incriminating position in her apartment.

This will be the last time I am going to date a singer. I will stick with actresses this time around, at least they don't make up lies in song to make them innocent when they clearly aren't.

"Her  _word_  against mine,"

"Literary a  _song_ ," Owen retorts.

I have been trying to avoid interviews about her when we broke up because I wanted to preserve whatever we had as a clean break up then she releases this fucking song a month ago. So, it's all free game now. I am a guest host for Saturday Night Live in two weeks, I will definitely make sure to have it  _secretly_  known that she's at fault, through a sketch.

"Is there a reason why you called?" I finally ask why Owen is bothering me this late. Well, he probably thinks I'm in Vegas anyway with the time difference he doesn't know.

"Mom's asking if you're coming to Virginia for her birthday?" Owen says with no emotion what so ever. He already knows the answer to this yet he still needs to ask to tell mom he tried.

I sigh, "I have a movie shoot that week. Besides, you should have told her I bought the tickets for her to come and see me then."

"And yet, I still  _have_  to ask  _you every year_  even if she already knows you're taking her in some new country for her to visit. Where is it this time?"

I snort, it's true though. Mom's birthday usually is best for shooting schedules in time for summer releases. Well, mostly the movies I take for the past three years are during her birthday. "Georgia..." I said in a monotone voice. My agent made me take a Nicholas Sparks movie which I adamantly refused to do at first since I don't do sappy ass movies, but he said it's good to get a different fan base this way.

It takes a bit for Owen to process this, then he bursts out laughing so loud I had to remove my phone from my ear. He does this for a good fifty seconds until I heard him choke on his own saliva from laughing too much.

I wished for a second, a  _tiny second_ he suffocated right there and then but I regretted it. He is my little brother unfortunately I can't wish him harm.

"Jeez, you took that Nicholas Sparks offer. You're fucking desperate." He still cackling and he is trying his best to breath in between but it's a fail.

I clenched my teeth, angry. He doesn't know the struggle of being relevant in this business. You have to make movies to capture different types of audiences. I can't keep doing Independent films, sure my name comes with Academy Nominee before it but I haven't gotten another one since. I have done a few blockbuster movies in the past four years but not enough to land me back on  _that_  map again.

I just have to pick my battles. And this stupid offer might help me again, it probably isn't going to be one of the best but I can show that I am a versatile actor, from action films to drama. I have to show them I can do it all, to get  _real_  offers again.

"Well that's obviously not Italy like last time, so I'm sure mom will find an excuse to not go," Owen tells me in advance. Then he breathes out heavily this time, "Still don't know why you don't want to come visit home."

I refuse to answer something so obvious. He's not dumb and there's a reason to me avoiding Virginia. I have been since—

My phone beeps, someone else is trying to call. It's my agent, who I have been avoiding for two days now. He can only call so much to realize that I have don't want to talk to him. He made me sign on a film I didn't want to do... I want to make him suffer. Even Mark Tuan, my bestfriend/manager has told him so many times to not call me.

And I have to answer or he won't leave me alone.

"Owen, I got to go.  _Douche_  is calling." I grumbled angrily. This is what I call my agent when he pisses me off.

"Alright. Give him hell," Owen encourages. Then hangs up.

"Oh thank god  _you're talking to me!_ " Lucas Keith exclaims in excitement when I finally just hit the green button instead of the red button on my phone. Of course he is happy to be talking to me or that I have stopped ignoring him. I am his most payed actor in his agency if I leave his company they would be in deep shit. My earnings is what brings his company it's good name.

So of course he has this fear of me leaving him if I am unhappy. Even if this I've told this  _asshole_  so many times I am not going anywhere, he still doesn't believe me. The one thing that hasn't changed for me is my loyalty and I plan to keep it that way. Though, this doesn't stop me from using it to my advantage.

I don't say anything but I just breath through the phone, rather loudly.

"I get it  _you're upset at me—"_

"Try  _again_..." I growled on the phone.

I heard him clear his throat, he is trying his best to be so patient with me because he is as pissed off as me. I fear for his assistant, Mathew, if I keep this up, he's going to be the receiving end of Lucas' wrath. "Okay,  _furious_. You're  _furious_  at me."

"Good, now we got that in the open.  _What do you want?_ " Though my voice comes out softer than it I want it to be. I think I'm too tired to fight and mess with him.

"The director wants to meet with you tomorrow, he wants a screen test with you and Lili Reinhart." Lucas says carefully hoping I don't read into what that really means.

But it doesn't fly past me, if I was messing around a few seconds ago, now I'm full blown livid. "The  _fuck_  Lucas!  _Screen test?_  I thought I signed on to this already." I was shooting a commercial last week that I couldn't officially be there but only through representation.

"It's just normal protocol—"

"Oh don't  _bullshit me Lucas!_  I've been through this many times before for you to try to sugar coat it for me! Damn it! You forced me to do  _this_  fucking  _movie_  when clearly I'm not even first choice!" I am pissed off I mean why does it seem like nothing is going well these past six months. And I'm sure I know what's the cause behind this... that fucking song!

"You can't be like that, Peter. I told you last week and I'm telling you now,  _you have this_. It's just a screen test—"

"Who is the  _other actor_  I'm against." When theres a screen test it usually means to determine who best fists with the said role or with the already signed on cast. There was already official announcement about Lilli Reinhart being in this movie, and I have wondered when mine would be. This is why...

Lucas lets out a long breath unsure of what to do next, he can't hide it anymore. He has to tell me or I'd find out in some other media which will make me more pissed off at him. "Noah Centineo."

I had to hold my tongue from lashing out at Lucas. There isn't a point anymore. That Centineo kid's name is everywhere lately and for good reason because of that Netflix film he did while I'm in the news as a cheating asshole who dates girls left and right when clearly these girls are just my friends.

"I  _will_  fix this Peter," Lucas says in defeat. He knows he has to step in so I can get this without needing to do the screen test. The role is already mine, it should have been but then Camila decides to release that song and then now I'm back in the spotlight after being quiet after the breakup.

" _Do it."_  Then I hung up.

Fuck! I screamed and threw the already broken remote across the room, it breaking even further to being fixed.

My phone buzzes and Mark is the one calling me.

" _You fucking knew didn't you?_ " I snapped at the phone. He was supposed to be my representation to get it signed but then it doesn't happen. No wonder his answer was so vague when I asked him when shooting would start.

Mark is used to my random outbursts especially lately. "It's just a screen test, Peter. You've done it multiple times and you always get it every time, you're the one who denies the role."

I hissed out a breath. This isn't really helping me much because that may be true but I still don't like being a second choice. The screen tests that I do, they already see me to take the role but then I don't it due to reasons.

"Just dazzle them with your charm, do well with that smile of yours, that smouldering voice that makes those producer go wild over you, make them remember that you're Peter  _fucking_  Kavinsky , Academy nominated at age 23, on your  _first_  major role." Mark always has this way of boosting my confidence when I feel beaten down. Just enough to build up my ego, this industry sometimes does break it a bit, just a little though. I'm still that me after all.

"Sometimes I wonder if you  _really_  are in love with me or not, with how you butter me up well, Tuan." I tease my best friend.

He groans in frustration, "Fuck You Kavinsky, Wendy says that sometimes. Being your manager sucks most of the time I have with my girlfriend."

I chuckle, "Well tell Wendy you're not my type so not to worry."

" _Haha_ ," Mark replies sarcastically. "So what time do I pick you up tomorrow?"

"Um..." I clear my throat and from that Mark should know what that means.

And Mark knows what question to ask instead, "Or better yet,  _where the hell are you?_ "

" _New York."_

"Dam it you idiot, weren't you in Vegas three hours ago?" He must have seen the news, he probably has me on google alert I'm sure, if he wasn't my manager I swear I fear he's my stalker.

" _Was_. I arrived twenty minutes ago."

He sighs, "Seriously, when times get rough, you need to  _stop_  running to New York. I really don't understand what's in that dam city anyway." He was grumbling mostly to himself anyway than to me. Even though he's my best friend, he has no idea what this city truly means to me.

" _It's New York,_ " I simply said. Like the word itself already makes sense.

"If you go there that many times, I can't see why you don't just move there or at least buy a unit own instead of staying at a hotel." It's not that he's complaining about the expenses of my trip to NYC when my residence is in Los Angeles. It's just doesn't seem practical by how many times i just come here to wind down, a year.

"This isn't my home," There was a time where I thought that this would be where I would end up, where  _we_  would end up but things change and this used to be our dream, now it's just reminds me of how simple and happy those days were. I was so sure it was going to stay that way, I wanted to fight to keep us together but the more I tried the harder it got. I'm sure I wasn't the only one struggling, Lara Jean was too. The more we tried to stay together the more it hurt her and I hated it. So we broke up. It's for the better, I think.

"Kavinsky!" Mark's voice brought me back from my thoughts. He was probably calling for me more than once because I can hear the frustration though his voice.

" _What?"_

"I said, I'm taking the flight to NYC in two hours, then we can come back to LA together to meet up with the director."

I blink confused, why does he need to come here. I am more than capable of flying on my own I'm not a fucking child that needs babysitting.

"You're a flight risk you dumbass, that's why." Mark said probably feeling my aura from the phone or he knows me too well that I don't need to yell at him to know I'm pissed.

I sigh, "I'm Peter  _fucking_  Kavinsky, I'm not a flight risk." I don't know what he means by that. Though, I think he's worried I wouldn't do the screen test just to spite him and Lucas for not telling me about it.

"That's what I'm worried about." Then Mark groans, "Listen, just stay in the dam hotel. I don't need your face showing up in the tabloids tomorrow. Two states in One night, that's just asking for it."

Ever since my nights out with my friends that are girls, especially with Lana, he has been rather unhappy about me hanging out with them and getting captured by paparazzi's. I'm an actor, he shouldn't be bothered by them. It happens, they like to make up stories about things they see when they aren't real. "Fine," but as I say this, I cross my fingers knowing that as soon as he hangs up. I am going against my his words.

"Fuck," Mark already is aware of what I'm about to do, "Just don't get caught,"

"I'll try. See you in a few hours!" I hung up on him and shut off my phone before he tries to call me back. He's not my bestfriend right now but my manager, and my manager is a pain in my ass.

I stand up to look at the mirror, as I add a scarf to cover my chin and a baseball cap to at least hide off what I can to be careful. It's New York no one usually pays attention to you unless you try to draw it.

Besides, it's not possible to stay indoors if you're in New York City! You have to breath in what the city has to offer. It may not be fresh air but It's New York, you have to feel it be alive to remind you that you are as well.

And with that in mind, I walk out to my hotel room.

* * *

_A/N:_

_Hello! Hahaha! I wasn't sure where I am headed with this but a movie and book inspired me to do this AU. Its still technically after TATBILB trilogy... and yes for some reason I always see them breaking up. Long distance is never easy guys. Especially with Peter's schedule. But don't hate me._

_This is just a taste of what's to come after This Is Us. If you want more, of this story let me know through here! Let me know let me know let me know! :)_

_Same characters from This Is Us, so if you've read my story before it's just I'm too lazy to create a whole new friends so the attitude is similar to my characters lol_

_I hope Peter POV sounds like Peter. I've written him how I picture he'd act with a voice lol (aka POV)_

_Hehe, I made some silly references to the real world, having Noah (Peter) vs Noah (Noah) fight over a role! This is how insane I am, did anyone see that coming? Lol_

_If your a fan if Camila, that's a joooke okay? Calm down yo ! Heheheh_

_Alright! Review! Favorite! Alert please for more! And don't worry I am writing This Is Us next chapter, theres still a bit to go but I will end that story before I dig into this more: ALRIGHT! I hope you liked this! As i had fun writing it!_

_ps: if youre rereading, thank you so much! but i changed some especially the years. they broke up at 19 close to 20 then its 8 years not 6. making them 27 lol_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: DISCLAIMER! Don't forget to leave a review please!_

(Moddle of editing too if youre rereading lol)

* * *

**_ Chapter Two _ **

_**Peter's POV** _

Sometimes I do hate the stubbornness in me, just to mess with Mark I decided to get out of the hotel. Now my fingers are freezing and shoving them in this thin ass jacket isn't helping at all.

I shift my scarf around to cover more of my neck to protect me from this wind chill. I've already had my hood up so at least that helps a bit. I've lived in California for five years, I'm not used to this cold weather anymore. I feel like an idiot really. Its like i've completely forgotten everything about the east coast.

Especially after—

My phone went off in my pocket, I was ready to ignore it if Lucas was calling but to my surprise it was Camila.

_Why is she calling?_

Last time I talked to her, she had the  _nerve_  to say she never wanted to see my face or even speak to me when we broke up three months ago. She was the one at fault through all this but she made it out to the world that she's the victim. In her interviews when she's asked about us, she would plead the fifth but then that fucking song changed it all.

Now the media wouldn't leave me alone, and what's worse, it might affect specific roles that people see me as. I may not always have been without a girlfriend for five years now but I've never cheated on any of them. I make sure that we've officially broken up before I started dating again.

At least one of my exes, Chloë Grace actually mentioned that she doesn't believe I cheated through social media two weeks ago. She and Camila had like a twitter mention war or something. I wasn't really sure... Lana told me about it but Camila basically defended that the song was never about me but too late now since she didn't speak out about it after the accusations have started.

She calls again when I decided to ignore the call, if I don't answer I know all too well that she won't leave me alone until I do and will eventually start calling Mark.

I adjusted my hood, covering my face more. I don't want to draw attention to myself. Even if it's late already and these people are more of focused trying to find a ride wherever they plan to go, I'm sure the parasites—i mean  _paparazzi_  are just waiting around.

I breathe out, before I finally answered.

" _Hey baby,_ " Camila cooed on the phone.

I physically had to stop myself from cursing her our or throwing up right here. "What do you want?" I hissed through the phone.

She whines, she's drunk I'm sure. If she's in this state. She's usually really needy if she's intoxicated. We've broken up more than once before but usually for about two weeks or so but never three months. "I just  _miss you_ ,"

I roll my eyes, "I'm hanging up Camila." I am not in the mood for her shit.

"No!" She cries out before I could do it. There was such an urgency in her voice that made me stay. " _Mi amor_ , please." She begs.

I clench my teeth. I hate it when she talks to me like this. Well, before it makes me want to take her but not anymore she can't use this  _bullshit_  on me, it wont work. The image of her and Harry, has ruined that for her. " _One minute._ "

She sighs and I can hear her sobbing. "I miss you, Peter. It's hard coming home and  _you're not here._ "

"You should have thought if before you decided to have that asshole in your bed." Weird thing is, I don't feel anything from saying this. I am not hurt either, I am angry because the fact that she did cheat on me but honestly I do feel relief which I don't really understand.

"I know and I've told you so many times that I am sorry! I don't know what happened! It was just—"

I stopped walking already and went to a corner. I made eye contact with someone and I think she sort of recognized me. I can't have anyone listening to this even if it's just my end of the conversation that's heard. " _Fucking_  someone doesn't  _just_  happen, you obviously knew what you were doing! You could have all the time to stop it!"

" _Peter—_ "

" _Enough_  Camila. I've asked you so many times if there was something going on between you and him." Harry and Camila was working on a song together, a soundtrack for a disney film. Ironic how a children's movie brought them together and ended up in Camila's bed.

"But  _at the time_  there wasn't! And I wasn't lying to you when you asked!" I've heard her say this before already. She came bursting to my home after I walked out of her condo. She was explaining that it was the first time it happened, blablablah... i've heard it all before. Unfortunately it wasn't the first time I've got cheated on. I'm immune to it. At least this one, I got a confirmation... more of one which I would like to erase out of my mind.

"Save it for someone who cares, you clearly have the whole world on your side." And I finally mention that song she wrote. She wasn't supposed to release a single but then a month after the break up she released a teaser, followed by the song last month.

"That song isn't about you." She defended desperately. " _Not really._ "

I laughed sarcastically, " _Right_ , because clearly you were the one bent over calling out  _his_  name."

"That's not what the song is about and  _you know it!_ " She yelled at me.

I pursed my lips. Okay, yes the song isn't about literal cheating but it's might as well be. Saying that it's hard to break the walls of someone who is in love with someone else. When she's given everything and not get the same love. Which is complete bullshit, she knows I loved her. I've told her plenty of times. But I don't love her anymore... not after what I saw.

She was crying now, she's probably hoping I would comfort her but I don't say anything. I just let her cry and if she wants to hang up, then she can but I won't do it. I may be rough around the edges but I'm not completely an asshole. "You can't just act all innocent here,  _because_  you are at fault  _too_."

I growled at her. She really has the nerve to do this, to even say this. "How am I at fault here? You cheated on me. I have never done that to you—"

"Physically no,  _but emotionally yes_."

Now I have a headache. Emotionally means that I'd be flirting with someone or talking to someone behind her back which I never did. The only time I'd be close to sort of cheat on her would be when I'm doing scenes with my female costar. Which is idiotic of her to feel that, because I'm an actor. I mean, she has scenes too with some models in her commercials or her music videos. " _It's called acting..._ " I say slowly and carefully making sure she'd hear the mockery in my tone.

"No, it's not  _that_." She doesn't seem phased by my tone.

Then she continues, and when I listen to her. I hated myself for even letting her go on or even entertaining this phone call because it's ridiculous. Her accusations about me and my feelings for her.

"The fact that you may say you  _love me_  but those are just  _empty words,_  Peter. Words you know I want to hear, words you've already said too many times it's lost it's true meaning. You're with me for a year but not really. Even sometimes, when you look at me it's like you want to see someone else, as if seeing past me you'd see  _her._ This is the reason why I fight with you most of the time because it's the only time I feel your emotions and passion for me. But I'm not her, I don't know who hurt you so badly to close yourself off like this. I tried to break down that wall, for a year i felt like I was competing with someone I don't even know. So when Harry kissed me, I actually felt he wanted me for me, and not just a replacement for someone."

I can feel my body heat up, anger brewing inside of me and as I let her continue the emotions I've been holding back since I saw her in that bed came bursting out of me. I wanted to be the mature about this but if she's talking bullshit and letting herself feel better by talking shit for turning me into a bad boyfriend. She's got another thing coming.

"I applaud you, Camila. You coming up with these  _bullshit_  ideas just so you can feel better about yourself. Fuck, the reason you feel like this is because  _you are insecure_  and not because  _I didn't love you_. You willingly had Harry in your bed, fucking your brains out and here you are acting like it's my fault that you did that. And if this is your way of saying I'm sorry, then make another one or better yet. Leave me the fuck alone. You said you didn't want to see or speak to me ever again.  _I was really fine_  with that arrangement.  _So don't call me again._ "

"Peter—" and I hang up on her before she says something again.

I clenched my fist tightly I swear my phone is probably going to break in my hands. I wanted nothing but to punch something but I don't want to break my knuckles. I did that already before, not doing that again.

Then I saw a glass beside me, actually five bottles. I grabbed one and threw it across the wall as hard as I can. The shatter of the glass made a satisfying sound. I did this again, and again until I was out of bottles.

My breathing was haggard and I still wanted to do more. It was too dark on this alley way to even try to find one. Besides my mind is swirling too much, Camila's words replaying in my mind. I hear them but I don't understand any of them. She doesn't have any idea what she's saying, I did my best to be what she needs me to be. If she can't be satisfied with that and easily crawled into bed with someone else then it's not my problem.

I felt my phone vibrate in my palm and without even realizing it, I answer the call, " _What the fuck do you want now!_ " It's not fair that I did hang up on Camila.

There was loud music in the background followed by laughter, "Wow, testy are we?" Lana Condor was on the other end, totally undeserving of my wrath.

I pinch the bridge of nose and run my hands through my hair, "Hey Lana," my voice is thick and theres still anger in it but at least it's not Camila.

She was talking to other people about arrangement in vehicles, then to me. "Where are you anyway? I saw you talking to Bella Thorne and I left you alone, figured you'd find out she has a  _girlfriend_  on your own." She's clearly amused about this since I don't really pay attention to the hollywood whose dating who, which almost got me in trouble with KJ Appa one time.

"Well, she already has a boyfriend  _and_  girlfriend... too much drama for a chick." I sounded bored which is true since I was only talking to her about, hell, I wasn't even sure what. She offered me a drink and I said yes.

"Well, yeah. It would have been funny to see you  _rejected_." Lana teased. I've known Lana for a couple years now and has been my friend since then. She has been the one trying to get me out of this funk I'm in, or what she calls it. When Camila and I broke up, I didn't really care. She seemed to be more bothered by it than me. "Anyway Kavinsky,  _where are you?_  I've been trying find you. Ansel said you were on your phone most of the night and then  _left_."

I was on my phone because I was searching for a flight to New York. And that was about five hours ago, and not all night since it was still early evening when I took a cab to the airport. "I've been gone  _five hours_ , and you just  _noticed_  I left?"

She sighs, "Where are you, so we can come get you. After party at Jacob and Joey's hotel room!" Lana's patience with me is wearing thin now. She's eventually going to snap at me while I laugh at her face.

I step out of the corner I decided to hide in and answer her seriously, "Somewhere around West 71st street." I started walking saying the building close to me.

" _What?_ " She knows Vegas by heart so there isn't one close by. "You better be  _drunk out_  of your mind or something,"

"Nope, I'm sober." I lower my hood farther since this side of the city has a lot more people now coming from broadway. I glance behind me since I do a have tiny feeling of being followed. I've been stalked by paparazzi enough to know that feeling. And I decided to stop playing with her, "I'm in New York, Lana."

She was taken aback by this as she was talking to someone, "Peter's  _in_  New York."

I hear Ansel say, "Well we  _can't pick_ him up then,"

" _Well durr..._ " Lana said sarcastically, Ansel is rather hilarious once he has a drink in him. " _What are you doing there?_ When did you get to New York?"

I just shrug, now whispering at the phone. I have a very distinct voice that people can recognize me from that sometimes. "I was bored."

"Well, then you could have just said that and not waste my time looking for you the past hour. Jeez" Lana said in annoyance.

"Sorry." But I'm not.

"Whatever Kavinsky.  _I'm hanging up_. Have fun." And she does without waiting for me to respond back. She really is mad at me. I'll apologise later once I'm in the mood.

I shove the phone in my pocket, and I smile to myself. I'm close to my destination. The place I always go to first when I'm in NYC. I miss that place anyway, I haven't been to NYC for months now. I'm bound for a visit.

Across the street is when I see them, three of them actually. Three males with huge telescopic cameras waiting for an opportunity to find some celebrity in the streets of New York late at night. And with my luck, I tried to be too inconspicuous that I over did it. Who wears a scarf in a September weather.

And one of the guys pointed at me when I saw them, he waives one of them off saying it's nothing.

I tell myself to stay calm but for some reason my feet refuse to listen to me and start walking rather hastily that I'm more suspicious now and I can feel their three pairs of eyes on me.

I wasn't even paying attention to where I was going when I bumped into someone, or someone bumped into my chest, top of the head on my chin causing my teeth to clatter together. I swear I bit my tongue. It was a girl, and she hit me to hard that she almost fell back but I grabbed her by the arms to pull her to me to help her stay balanced.

"I am so sorry," She immediately apologised by what has happened. Her phone was in her hand as if she was trying to find something. "Sorry," she says again when I grabbed her so she wouldn't fall back. She looks up to face me and I swore my heart stopped.

My eyes landed on the softest brown eyes I haven't laid my eyes on for about eight years. My heart raced that same second and despite feeling out of breath, I haven't felt more alive than I ever did. Even with the achievements I had gotten the past five years could not even come close to this feeling.

"Lara Jean?" At least my voice is steady calm compared to what my body or even my heart is reacting. I could feel my hand shaking from holding her or is it her?

" _Peter_..." she stuttered my name, and much louder than I would like she says my full name again in disbelief, "Peter Kavinsky?"

And with that small information got those three bastards hyped up, " _Peter Kavinsky?_  did she say Kavinsky? I thought he was in Vegas?"

" _Fuck_!" I cursed under my breath.

"What—" Lara Jean was about to look to where the photographers where standing at.

I hold her arm tighter not making her turn that way, if they capture a photo of her with her face, she's be ruined. " _Don't_." I say firmly.

She swallows and nods.

"Yo Peter! One photo!" I can hear running and flashing. They can't really get anything from this far since my back was behind them and I was wearing a totally different clothing from when I was in Vegas.

I am torn between just letting them get what they want to leave me alone but that would mean, I would let go of Lara Jean and have her go wherever she plans to go to. I haven't seen her for years, I can't let go of her just yet.

I run my hand to her wrist. The way she is locked into my eyes, she is more in shock to see me than I am. The way she's looking at me doesn't want me to let this meeting end. Not yet, and I fear I don't want to for a while but I can't dwell on that yet. One thing at a time.

The way she's looking at me, is breath taking. Even if it's been years, and we are in our mid twenties it's like the woman standing infront of me is the same Lara Jean who I fell in love with in highschool and part of my college.

The girl who I wanted to fight all cost with even though how hard it is, and eventually no matter how hard I worked to keep us together it just wasn't enough.

She has this fierce expression on her face like that day in high school when she launched herself into my arms and decided to kiss me infront of the whole school... that I knew she's listen to me.

" _Run_." One word and I pulled her at her wrist, and run as quickly as her short legs can take us.

I don't exactly know where I'm going but I need to keep away from these bastards and being dragged behind me is Lara Jean Song Covey.

The girl who broke my heart eight years ago.

* * *

**_Lara Jean POV_ **

I was lost, I knew I was. This dumb GPS is not taking me where I want to go. I can hear Brandy's voice in my head saying that It's not a technology problem but a user problem. If she can see me now... I'd be a butt if every Brandy joke for the next week or so.

I was supposed to turn right but instead I bumped into someone— not just someone but Peter Grant Kavinsky!

It haven't even had time to process everything that has happened. It was all too fast. I bumped into him, then the next thing I knew he said run and drags along with him.

I can hear people running after us and I can hear clicks. I shouldn't look back. I think I know well enough that these are Paparazzi's. Peter is used to this, he has years of practice from getting away so I trust him.

But my feet are about to give out on me, and if we don't stop soon we'd get caught. Then I remembered this street corner from when I got lost ten minutes ago. "Right!" I say just enough for us to hear.

And Peter turns as instructed but I think he knows more than I do because I was still thinking we'd keep on running but he grabs me so I can go behind this dumpster just enough for me and to fit.

Actually it's too snug. My back was against the wall, my hands infront of our chest. We were too close to each other than what I would like. His hand was on my shoulder while the other was on top of my head.

"Shh," he says but he wasn't looking at me but at the alley way.

And I nod, I was still looking up at him. His hood had fallen so I can see his face now, his hair is longer than he ever let it grew touching below his eyebrow, his eyebrows are thicker than I recall it ever was. A stubble growing on his chin, his jaw is sharper showing that he isn't that boy I loved before. He's just a ghost of that boy and now he's the man I've imagined he would be and the guy I've seen in the shows or movies he's in.

I blush to myself. Yes, I secretly watch all of Peter's movies and shows. None of my friends know, Brandy just assumes it while my fiancé believes that I don't.

My heart is beating wildly across my chest and I press my arms to me just so he wouldn't feel it. Which really doesn't matter because we were running just now, it could be from just that... yes yes.

The running is making me breathless and heart race not because Of his intoxicating breath in my hair, or his hands on my shoulder, or the fact that his legs is tangled between mine, or his—

Focus! My ring shined despite the darkened alley way and by instinct i turn the diamond away into my palm. I don't know why I did that but I don't want to dwell on that at the moment since the three guys we were running away from is now here.

Peter lowers his head, his chin on my forehead. And he even pushed himself closer to me which doesn't make sense. I want to move away but he's restricting from even moving. I think he can feel my heart racing now... especially that his hand was at my waist...

"Shit, they went this way. They can't go very far." The guy moved his camera, and what's worse he is standing infront of the dumpster we are hiding from.

"Was that really Kavinsky though? I mean he's in Vegas."

Same though here mister. He's in Vegas but no. He's in New York, and I'm hiding with him. His arms around me... maybe I shouldn't have ran with him. I would have been safe.

"You know these bachelors. They go different places to find booty." There was jealousy laced in his voice.

 _Ouch_.

I can feel his hand tighten on my shoulder. And I refuse to look at him... I'm afraid to.

"There!" Another guy said.

And I swear I think I just died. I'm going to get a photo of me and Peter in this stupid dumpster. I'm going to be all over the news, as one of those girls. And my boyfriend— _fiancé_  will see this and how do I explain this. I shut my eyes tightly and lean my head on his chest to hide.

And I hear footsteps going farther then running, followed by a door closed and open.

"Lara Jean," Peter's voice brings me out from my panic.

I can feel his chest rise and fall on my hands, it's erratic, and his pulse is wild too. And when I looked up to face him, I gasped. "Where did they go?"

"Inside the building, they thought we went in there." He points at the door or I assume a door since he didn't even glance that direction and neither did I.

I could melt from his gaze right here and then, and if I let this go on— I can't. I have to get away... my heart is just like this because I'm with a famous person. And the fact that I haven't seen him personally in eight years. I hoped that I dysenthesized myself from him by watching all his films but no one really warned me about how different it is to see him personally.

He is more handsome than when I was with him, his hair is a lot darker, close to black which I'm sure he dyed for a movie is he rumoured to do. Kitty said she read the book that Peter might be in. She said it's a really sad love story. I mean it's Nicholas Sparks, that's his trademark. Which is really not Peter's genre of films.

Then it hit me, this guy looking at me like I'm this—like— the actor Peter Kavinsky is not only that actor but my exboyfriend, the first boy I truly loved. I can't have him hold me like this, it's not right.

My hand pushed him off a bit, and he caught on because he stepped back, he was an inch away from me but at least there isn't touching anymore, other than my hand on his chest.

I moved away from this tiny corner. "Um,  _thanks_."

He raised an eyebrow, his trademark Peter grin on his lips, "I don't think, having you running away from photographers isn't something you should be  _thanking_  me for."

I cleared my throat. I have no idea what I'm saying. It's true though, I shouldn't be thanking him. When he dragged me here, making bumping into me a bigger deal than it should have. "Well, I'm sorry." I said sincerely because I think it's my fault they found out it was Peter because I said his full name.

He straightened his jacket and his hair, with me staring at him like a fool. "It's okay. I do  _get_  that reaction when  _people_  see me."

His smile makes me look away, god he's still full of it. Actually more than that. Gosh, with the Hollywood actor title he has definitely reached his head. "Well, it was nice seeing you," I stumble upon my words and was about to walk away.

"Woah, Woah, Woah," he reaches for my arm but failed but then he takes three quick strides and now he's in front of me. "Where you going?"

I cross my arms above my chest and squint my eyes at me, " _Leaving_ , I figured you got plans." I say more harshly than I want it to, but it doesn't matter I need to go. I move to the other side to get away but he'd block me too. I go on the side and he does the same.

"You're mad at me," He's smiling now.

I stopped even trying to escape him, now I'm irritated. Why would I be mad at him and why is he smiling, he needs to stop putting on his charm or else I am going to punch him. "Now why would I be?" I think what that paparazzi saying about  _booty_ or when he said _people_ like I'm a groupie or something.

Then he scratches the back of his head, trying to think. He isn't sure why I would be too but he can tell something is wrong. Even after eight years he can still read me, though not as well as he used to but the skill is still there. " _I'm not sure._ "

I roll my eyes at him and start to walk off again but this time he grabs my arm to stop me. "Seriously  _Peter Kavinsky_ , what do you want from—"

He covers my mouth shushing me then pins me to the wall when there was someone from the main street that paused to look at this alleyway but then left that same second.

"Can you lay low on the saying my  _whole name_ kind of thing. I don't think I have it in me to run again." He hissed at me.

And I was annoyed that he's talking to me like a child. He's the one who brought me in this stupid alleyway, and now I'm more lost than I ever was.  _So I bit him_.

" _Shit_! Ouch!  _Dam it woman!_  What the hell!" He moves away from me quickly and shook his hand. "You  _bit_  me!"

Now I had the satisfying smile on my face. He deserved it and he knows it. "Don't worry,  _Peter._ I'm up to date with my rabies shots."

He stopped, unsure if he would laugh at my lame joke or remain annoyed that I bit him. He chose the former, and he smirks while I laugh at him. "You're insane,"

"Says the one who drags me here instead of just leaving me down the street."

"I don't know, but  _you ran with me too._ " And that's the truth. I could have pushed him off or made him let go of him. But I just followed him the entire time. And now we are standing here, trying to make it less awkward between us and just to be civil with each other.

It was a good minute before one of us spoke again, he started. "So what are you walking around New York City this late?"

I pursed my lips and blush, "Actually,  _I'm lost._ "

His lips twitched he isn't trying to laugh at me, he knows I am so bad at directions even with a GPS telling me where to go. "I can help, if you want."

I chew on the inside of my cheek and my eyes glanced at the main street then to where the Paparazzi disappeared too trying to search for Peter at that club from what I can hear since theres music echoing from the walls. "I don't know."

"I know New York City like the  _back of my hand_." He says proudly.

"Don't you  _live_  in Long Beach?" And I regretted these words immediately as it left my lips. The amused expression he has me flustered by the words that refuse to come out of me to explain. Peter had just moved to Long Beach after his break up it was stated on the news once when he apparently showed it to some reporter. "Owen  _told me_ ," which is true I saw Owen last month at my shop, and we talked then for some reason Peter came up in the conversation.

"Oh right." He cleared his throat, there was a distant thought in his mind before it disappeared that same second. "Anyway, with the direction you are headed I know where you are going."

"Really?" I tease him. He can't know where I'm going. He can't be that sure.

He smirks like he can't believe I think he's stupid or some sort of. "You were headed to Jacques Torres Chocolate and Ice Cream."

I blink.

"Based on your expression, you can't deny it," he is boastful that he got this right. Jeez, I hate that he's right.

"Fine."

"I can take you," he said with a shrug.

I wave my arms as a thank you and a no. I can't be walking with Peter Kavinsky this late at night, not when three photographers know he is here and would find him. He maybe used to this but I can't be brought into this world. "It's okay, just let me know where it is. Or i can use my phone."

He laughs this time, like really laugh. I can see the remnant of the teenage Peter I loved before, that I had to look away. " _And get lost again?_  By the time you get there, the shop would close down."

It was almost eleven thirty and I know on fridays they close at midnight. I'm not rushing anyway, I can go tomorrow morning if it closes down, at least I'd know where to go this time. "Seriously, It's fine,"

"Lara Jean, let me do this favor since I dragged you all the way here. Besides, It's not that far from here." He points at the direction where I thought it would be at.

"Won't people have a parade if they find you there?" I'm seriously considering this now. Theres something in me that doesn't want to part with him just yet.

"I've been to New York so many times before and this bakery, that I'm friends  _with_  Jacques... well his wife is a big fan of mine, well not more than I am of his, but still. I got my  _perks_." He is showing off, clearly.

Omg he just said his name in a first name basis... and he had the perks! Jeez! This offer is really hard to refuse now. "Really?" My voice shake in excitement.

He knows that a few more encouragement and he has already got me. He nods, his head wobbled twice. "Yes," then he clears his throat. "So what do you say, Covey?" He smiles at me brightly.

"I—"

"You know,  _You want to._ " His voice is much louder than my subconscious making me forget why I shouldn't go with him. He waits for a second then he as a hand out for my reach, an offer for him to lead me somewhere and trust him.

My left hand reaches but then I clenched my fist seeing my ring there. The diamond poking at my palm. I shove my hands into my jacket. "I can just walk beside you,"

He lowers his hand and nods, he is trying his best to hide is disappointment but I could see it clear as day. " _Alright_ , fair enough."

"This isn't a bad idea right?" I don't know why I said this out loud but I'm nervous. Walking with Peter, that wouldn't be so bad... it's a friend helping out someone... well I am assuming we are friends... we never even established that when we broke up.

"What are  _friends_  for, Lara Jean," He smiles at me blinding me for a second. There he said it. Friends.

I nod. Happy at this. Friends. That's good. "Okay," but I don't move when he started walking.

" _Come on_  Covey! Stop overthinking this! Besides, I don't bite unlike you,  _you barbarian!_ " He teases me.

And I narrowed my eyes at him, "If you don't keep your act together I am not going to hesitate to bite harder!"

He laughs and nods, he puts his hands up in surrender. "Got it," he waits for me to move. He gives me an encouraging gesture to stand next to him.

I hold my breath, no this isn't a bad idea at all. He said so himself, this is a favor, and friends. I shouldn't overthink this because there is no reason to. "Alright, let's go." And I walk ahead of him not even knowing where to go. At the end of the corner I pause. Unsure where to go next.

Peter stands behind me, his mouth by my ear, " _Left_ ," his hand on my back to push me forward.

I swallow nervously and nod. I had to mentally instruct myself to calm down and breath. A few seconds later, " _Right_ —I mean,  _Left_." Then walk to the left as he said, with Peter walking next to me.

* * *

**_A/N:_ **

_Updaaate! I don't know I feel so invested about this story line that I'm going crazy. Don't worry! I'm not forgetting about my other story. It's just this is so much louder in my mind that I need to write it down to shut up this AU LJ &PK. Thanks for reading chapter one and liking it. Keep up the reviews please and let me know!_

_I'm not sure if the next few chapters would be a split of LJ and PK POV. It just made sense to write this way for now._

_For This Is Us readers, i've got 4k words written. So don't worry! :) if you arent a a TIU reader, GO CHECK IT OUT! Since I'm doing a shameless plug! Hahahahahah_

_Okaay! Thanks guys and HAAPPPY NEW YEAR! (Any kpop fans out there! BLACKPINK jennie and EXO kai are dating!)_

_So since Peter is an actor, he hangs with actors too. So the names on there are actual actors hahaha_ _Chloë Grace Moretz (one of many Peter's exes), Lana Condor, Jacob Eldori and Joey King, Ansel Elgort. Then Camila Cabello as the infamous ex,_ _Hahahaha anyone want to suggest others to join in, let me know hahahaha_


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N:**_ disclaimerr! oh and if the format changes to middle indentation it means it's the past. oh and I edited some of the story a day ago realizing the huuge discrepancy in my story. so instead of 25, i changed them to 27 making it 7 years since theyve seen together and they broke up before Lara Jean turned 20.

Okii enjoy! :) reviews pleasee?

* * *

**Chapter Three**

**_Lara Jean POV_ **

When Peter said he has the  _perks_ , I thought he was being the boastful Peter. Little did I know, he was being humble because the perks actually meant that as soon we even walked in the bakery Peter was greeted for a second before they asked him to go at the back with me following after him like a little puppy.

I was far too giddy to think, I am going at the back of the bakery where all the magic happens. I know this much from the tv specials on cable networks but to see it in personal. It just changes everything!

I absently grab on Peter's arm so that he can just keep walking while I just stare at everything like a kid during Christmas morning realizing that Santa had brought all the gifts filling the bottom of the Christmas Tree.

"Don't drool on my shirt, Covey." Peter whispers on my ear since I was leaned towards him.

"And I am not going to apologize." I wasn't even sure what I'm saying anymore.

He was just smiling though like he was really happy that I'm acting like this. I had to keep my dorking out to a minimum by bitting my bottom lip.

This place is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life. The ovens, baking materials, all of it are those that I can only dream of because even with Charlie's fortune we can't afford any of this.

"Peter Kavinsky, I was wondering when I'd see you again," the thick french accent greeting from behind us has caused me to gasp and completely almost stumble back if not only for me holding my hand on his arm.

"Breathe," Peter mumbles to my ear as he turns to meet his greeter. "Mr. Torres, I wasn't expecting you here tonight."

To all my baking gods and goddess that I wonder if I died and went to pastry heaven, standing before us giving Peter a quick hug that I have to let go of his arm is none other than the famous  _Jacques Torres_ himself! One my aspirations that made me the best baker that I am now.

"Well,  _you_  hollywood A-listers always have ways to keep me on my toes. Theres a wedding shower for tomorrow. Got to keep it hush-hush for now". Jacques said with a bright smile on his face. He had his hand on Peter's arm. "Have you heard about it?"

Peter pursed his lips together and shrugs, "Well if it's kept hush-hush then we should keep it that way."

"Ahh,  _the rumour mill_. It reaches ears you know." He gives Peter a knowing look as if he wanted Peter to spill something which I'm sure has something to do him supposedly being in Vegas with a rumored girlfriend, Lana.

I shove my hands into my pocket trying to lean in, to listen. Maybe he'd whisper the answer...

Peter laughs, the sound ringing in my ears, it's the I'm trying to make you fall for my charm laugh that he does when he tries to get away with things. "Well, depending on what you hear. You  _can't_  always  _believe_  those you know".

Jacques rolled his eyes, "I could careless about the  _many women_  you're linked to." And I could see Peter cringe from the word many women. He stiffens refusing to look my way but I can tell he wants to see my reaction.

What does he need to see it for? I've seen him with many of his girlfriends through out the years. His first hollywood girlfriend was Jennifer Lawrence four years ago, that's when I realized that Peter is far too out of reach for me. I mean a beautiful older woman who all men want and dream of, is dating my ex-boyfriend. I have  _nothing_  compared to that...

"I am talking about the Nicholas Sparks movie that you might be getting," Jacques's voice breaks me from my thoughts.

Peter clears his throat, I can see his back slightly slouch. He does this when he's not sure of himself but tries to hide it from people. Its just I've been around Peter before when he'd do this, alot of times during his Lacrosse games in college when he got benched at the start of season in our sophomore year. "Well, and I am giving you the  _same_  response."

Why does he seem unsure? From what Kitty has told me, he was the first person in talks for this movie even a year ago. That's even why Kitty started reading the book.

"You can tell me and I won't tell...  _even_  my wife. It's always nice to know something about you Hasty doesn't know." Jacques sounds eager and try to be convincing to Peter to share this secret.

Peter is trying to be polite by declining to answer sounding like he wants to but couldn't tell... but I know that voice. He's just making it sound okay when it isn't. I've heard that reassuring tone so much during the last few months into our relationship.

"Fine be that way... play hard to get." Jacques gives up trying to pressure Peter into spilling the beans. He pats Peter's back, "Though I believe this will be the movie for you my friend. I've never  _not_  watched any if your work since my wife  _refuses_  to miss any of it."

Peter smiles, "And I will  _always_  thank her for being a fan,"

Jacques nods, "I am only saying this because I am a fan  _and_  a friend, but your movies lately doesn't show your great potential." He criticises Peter in a comforting tone, trying to soften the blow of his next words. "You are an amazing actor that I can always feel the emotions you are portraying  _but_  action films aren't the way to go for that. Maybe with this Nicholas Sparks movie will bring you back to show you're true potential."

"Ah," Peter just smiles though this criticism but I can tell he isn't comfortable at all.

I don't know what has gotten into me but I felt the need to protect Peter and not have him doubt himself. I step closer towards them as I say, "Well, I don't believe that. Any of Peter's movies even if it's an action film he can still show that he is an incredible actor. He conveys those emotions perfectly. Like that movie he released six months ago, I cried with him when that president's daughter who he was supposed to protect died in his arms because she took the bullet for him instead." I racked my brain of that plot line of the film, sure the movie had so and so reviews but critics didn't have anything bad to say about Peter.

I stutter the next words because I was also annoyed about how that story was, "Then come to find out the reason why theres an assassination plot on the president is because of that daughter who fell in love with a terrorist..." then I abruptly stopped realizing what I have done. I just interrupted a conversation I was totally not in and what's worse I refute Jacques statement about Peter.

I feel my become bright red when Peter turns to face me, the he has his mouth slightly agape in pure shock ans disbelief that either I just defended him to the man I think is a god or the fact that I mentioned watching his movie, even stating the plot twist of the film. And I  _assume_  it's the latter.

His lips then formed a huge grin, he is really amused by what I just did. Which is making me blush even more and I mentally tell myself to calm down since Jacques was also looking at me then at Peter questioningly.

"Who is this?" Jacques asked brightly as he walks over towards me to shake my hand, "I'm Jacques Torres. Are you his  _girlfriend_?"

"Lara Jean Covey," I almost choked on my own saliva when I shook his hand. I am far too overwhelmed by everything that is happening in the second that has passed. That I squealed a high pitched "No,"

"No, she's a  _friend of mine_  from high school." Peter replied and he was standing next to me now.

Ouch...  _friend_   _from_   _high school_. Is that how I've been  _downgraded_  too? Just a  _friend_  from high school, not his ex girlfriend, not  _even_  someone he went to middle school with, which makes it that we've known each other much longer? I has to fight the urge to clench my teeth or react differently, "Yes,"

"Ahh, visiting New York are we? You enjoying it so far?" Jacques asked me.

Oh dead lord, how do I randomly say that I'm not just visiting—

"She's  _actually_  here in New York since she's opening her fourth franchise pastry shop tomorrow." Peter said proudly and he had his hand on my shoulder.

I was too stunned and astonished that he knows about my opening day tomorrow, to even be bothered that I was annoyed at him a few seconds ago or how his hand on my shoulder is giving me goosebumps. I am positive I have the same expression on my face like his not a couple minutes ago. Guess I'm not the only one who knows about the other.

Jacques smiles at me and meets his hands together. "Ahh, that is very nice to hear. I bet you are very excited."

I had to tell myself to turn and not be rude since I was still gaping at Peter. I cleared my throat to speak, "Yes, my friend and I have dreamed about this day since college."

"Why yes, I know exactly how that feels," there was a dreamy look in his eye probably remembering that moment for him too. He stays in that moment for a second or two before he says to me again, "Well Congratulations are in order. And celebrations, you can use the room upstairs." He points at a spiral staircase leading to a door and a lighted room.

" _Upstairs?"_  Peter seems pleased by this, "Wow, how come Lara Jean gets offered the special room. I've never been up there before but once and that was only because your wife was there."

_What are they talking about?_

Jacques slaps Peter's arm while he laughs, "Because, if is rather late and if people see you out there with Lara Jean here when you're  _supposedly_  in Las Vegas... well let's just say it's not about  _special treatment._ "

Peter's lips formed an 'O' as he finally understood why the offer was important, "Thank you then,"

Jacques looks at me and offers a final handshake, "Well, I will have someone come up to bring some stuff for you. And congratulations again."

"Thank you." I stutter there. I wasn't sure if I should even accept the offer but it seems rude to deny him that.

"Well, I have to leave you two to it. I have lots of work to do," he points at the ten pastry chef under him making the cakes for this wedding shower for tomorrow.

"Of course,  _of course!_  It was such a pleasure to meet you." I am far too emotional for this and I am thankful I didn't cry.

"Peter, take your friend upstairs." Jacques says to Peter who nods then gestures for to climb the stairs.

When we got up to the room, I was so amazed by how beautiful it is. It's like a VIP room for people like Peter. The window showed the main front and the back where all the magic happen. I sat on one of the blue chairs that had a backrest almost as tall as I am, Peter sits across from me.

A thought comes to my mind, and I wanted to ask him. "So since youre this big a-list actor," I lean towards the table as if waiting to be handed some juicy gossip. "Do you know who is getting married?" I figured he knows through his friends or something.

Peter raises an eyebrow, then his lip twitches. "Well, you are right, I  _am an actor_... so if you want to find out come closer." He also has his hands on the table and moves his head towards me. He wiggles his index finger so I'd move a bit closer. We were about a foot away from each other already, "It's  _Kristofer Locke_ and  _Haylee Brummer._ " He says excitedly

And I blink, once and twice before it finally comes to me that Peter was messing with me. It's his character and his love interest from that movie I defend him from Jacques. I throw him a icy glare and hold it for a good three seconds before I pull away, " _You're a brat._ "

He respond with a loud booming laugh that echos in the small room. Every inch in my body slightly shakes, I haven't heard him laugh so freely and happily like this ever since freshman year or  _no_ , actually since summer before college started. I couldn't help but smile at this because I miss  _this_  Peter... the Peter I loved in high school not the boy who was trying to push through college, our relationship, and Lacrosse in college.

He returns my grin and he also has his back on his chair. There's that shine in his eyes that makes him want to ask me something. I already have a feeling what it is and yet he doesn't word it out because that would mean I would also ask him about how he knows about my opening.

We share a comfortable silence for a few moments, then we'd smile every moment our eyes would meet but then I would break it by looking around the room, there are photos surrounding us with the start of this store. I would walk around to check it out but I feel weak at the knees and it's much safer if I just sit.

My hands were at my lap and I was fiddling with my ring again. I've seem to pick this up as a habit when I'm nervous. I mean it's only been a week and I've never worn jewelry before. Well, I touch below my neck where a heart locket would have been but it's five years since I've put the locket at rest and only because the chain snapped before graduation.

A moment later, there was guy with a tray of pastries that came in setting it on the table. My eyes shine by how much was in it. The famous chocolate cookie is there, along with some chocolate and some small cups of ice cream of different flavor.

I have died five minutes ago and gone to pastry heaven.

Peter was talking to the guy but I was drooling over the delicious food in front of me.

"Oh please don't tell me this is a dream," I mumble to myself in pure joy that I feel like I'm that teenager hoping this day would happen instead of a 27 year old adult. I was still trying to decide what to have but then I could Peter looking at me intently and it's making me conscious about drooling, "What?"

It takes him a full second before he realize what he had done. He clears his throat and reaches for a cookie then he asks me a safe question, "How was meeting him? I was hoping he was here though he is rarely here now." He proudly puffed his chest and I would compliment him but he's already Peter Kavinsky he doesn't need to know.

I also take a piece of cookie and stare at it. The last time I had this was that one time when Peter got one for me in senior year. Sure I've been to New York a couple times in the past nine years since then but I've never really come visit which I use to regret but I had my reasons...

But now it's even more amazing because I met the famous Jacques Torres himself and seen where the magic has happened in person not just in television. "Oh I can't even word it out!" and I suppress a giggle. Oh I can't wait to tell Leah about this she would go—

Then I could feel my smile fade as soon as I realized that I could never really tell anyone about this meeting, if I do I have to explain how I got to then that would only mean that I have to mention Peter. Leah and Charlie would freak out of course because I know an actor.

But Brandy would have a different take to this and would read into something that isn't even there. Plus there's also a matter of my fiancé.

I take the cookie in my mouth to silence myself, even if the cookie has melted into my mouth deliciously but I can't even get enjoy it because my stomach is turning and my mouth feels like acid.

"Well, I guess  _congratulations_  are in order too." Peter says breaking the silence we share again.

"Oh, thanks." I'm sure he's talking about  _Sweet Song._ And I could feel my lips move but I'm sure it doesn't look pretty.

"And your  _engagement_  too," He says nonchalantly then points at my left hand. "How long have you been engaged?" He sounds sincerely happy and comfortable asking this.

My chest tumps loudly across my chest, wow he noticed. I mentally roll my eyes, obviously my fingers are moving the ring around even with the diamond facing on my palm. "Thank you." My voice is trembling slightly. The cat's out of the bag now, so I turn the diamond back to it's place. "It's been a week, I have been too busy with the preparations to even think about getting the ring resized." Yeah, it's an excuse as to why I keep touching the ring.

I grab the glass of water since my mouth and throat feels so dry from just that.

"Sundance Kid doesn't  _know_  your ring size?"

I choke on my water, shocked by that question, I coughed out a "What?"

He chuckles, " _McCleren_ , he doesn't know your ring size?" He says again as if I have forgotten what he used to call John before. As if I would even forget, during sophomore year in college he'd use that word in every sentence as possible when John would hang out with us in UNC.

I stare at him, my jaw about to fall to my stomach. " _How_ —how—" I stutter.

He shrugs, "It doesn't take a genius to know you  _crazy kids_ would eventually end up together."

I swallowed my water nervously. I can feel bile building up my throat and this water isn't helping. The way he is talking is making me guilty, he is far too calm about this and I know enough of Peter that he is deflecting his emotion. I'm afraid to speak up because it would mean I just admitted to something in his mind he refuses to ask.

"How long have you two been dating if I may ask?" He asks lightly like it's totally normal to question your ex-girlfriend about this.

Well, actually. Technically you're only his friend from high school, Lara Jean so it's quite normal to ask it because it's part of catching up.

"Four—I mean  _five_  years almost." I respond simply.

"Five years?" He doesn't seems more shocked about this statement and probably believed if I said a different number, but that was the truth though.

John and I didn't start dating till after graduation. Sure, we've spend a lot of time together after Peter and I broke up that people thought we were dating but we always established that we were only friends to our group and the more the tease us the more it just stayed that way.

I guess, after not seeing John as much as I did in college when he started to be busy in lawschool while I was busy with the shop made me realize that I loved being with him and I felt something for him more than friendship. So I kissed him at the opening day of our pastry shop in Chapel Hill and he only responded with a  _"About time, Lara Jean."_

"Who would have thought,  _five years_." there was something laced in his voice like an emotion had spilled out from him trying to hide it. I can't point out what it is but it's making me cautious and I feel accused of something I didn't do.

"Why don't you believe me?"

Then he breaks out of his stiff posture and smiles at me apologetically, "Oh I do," his actions are so different form his words though, I can see him absently touch his knuckles where I see an ugly fading scar that was on there, a sign that was on stitches before.

"That's a  _huge scar_  you have there," I wanted to scream at myself for even saying that out loud, why would I even do that? Now I'm making him uncomfortable since he shoved his hands in his pocket. Sometimes I just run my mouth... I learned how to control myself but my mouth just has a mind of it's own.

"Yeah, I got it  _seven years_ ago," he answers, he shifts in his seat.

I've heard about this, after Peter and I broke up he was injured that's why he had to sit out yet again during the second half of the season after being able to play again, since he was benched of the first part of the season. I think that's how he came about the acting classes for the summer because apparently so he wouldn't lose his scholarship he had to find an extracurricular activity for the rest of the semester and he choose Drama class. That's what Kitty told me anyway... but I'm sure Peter was just sugar coating it for Kitty.

"A Lacrosse injury?" I ask tentatively. I'm just making conversation.

" _Something_  like that," Then his lips form a tight smile that I knew all to well. The one where he just answers but he wants the topic dropped as soon as possible, the same one I've known so well months before we broke up. If I keep pushing he'd just close off and we'd start a fight. Granted we wouldn't fight now but I know he doesn't want to get into it at all.

That Peter in college was such a stranger to me that sometimes I only think Peter and I dated in high school, he was the boy I loved in high school and the boy who broke my heart in college. We were sort of fine during freshman year, still upholding to our contract. Happy on the exterior but barely hanging on a thread as months passed by.

We'd be fine during breaks since we'd see more of each other, we both said to each other freshman year is only harder because we don't have cars that if we just pass that obstacle we will be even more than fine but it was all a lie since that's when our problem started.

The first game I watched during that season, Peter was just sitting out the whole entire game. Which doesn't make any sense to me because during freshman year he was barely even benched. He was always out on the field and had such amazing promise that it brought the team to more victories than they ever did in a year.

I thought it was just because they wanted to have the best player sit out for the first game but it seemed like a frequent thing now, and I could tell because when I asked Peter about how the game was when I wasn't there his answers were short and clipped then he's immediately changed the topic.

The second game I attended was two months after that, and he was still sitting on the bench while the team was obviously losing. It doesn't make sense at all.

888

I was sitting anxiously hoping at least they'd let Peter play, it was the first time I ever cursed out loud beside Tessa Young who is a girlfriend of Peter's teammate Hardin Scott.

"It's really upsetting that they are letting Peter sit out, it's fucking annoying," Tessa said. "With him and Hardin they'd win this game already."

I pursed my lips together, I want to ask why Peter is sitting out the game but that would mean Peter isn't keeping secrets from me and I don't even want to go there. I already feel him farther away from me despite sleeping in the same bed as him last night, I didn't even tell Dad I'm down in Virginia because I feel like Peter and I need this time together alone.

"Coach Anderson is just an asshole really, just because his grades barely made it to meet his scholarship doesn't mean he should be benched until his grades would be raised for the midterm grade." Tessa just kept going not completely not aware that I just gasped and is slowly teary eyed.

"Yeah, asshole." I echoed Tessa's voice though my heart just shattered right here not how come I didn't even know Peter was struggling with his grades. That he almost lost his scholarship last semester...

"And you should know how hard working Peter has been all these weeks, all he does is bury himself in books and his workouts. He probably tells you how he does it," Tess words aren't of comfort at all and it's making me feel like crap.

"Well Peter has always been that hardworking," I know that's the truth but it would have been better if he told me himself and not from Tessa. I immediately wipe a tear that left my eye.

"Oh it's starting! Come on Caveliers!" Tessa stands up after the time out.

I absently stand up as well but I felt like a robot. My eyes were on just Peter's back, and I wondered to myself when my boyfriend had become a stranger to me that I didn't even know what is happening to him. Was it because I didn't ask him enough or is it because I don't care myself.

888

As everyone was cheering for the score that Cavalier had finally did, I was just silently sobbing. Afraid of whats to come from here on out...

And here I am sitting infront of him years later, feeling the same way I did. Guilty when I clearly shouldn't be...

Because I've barely even scratched the surface that is Peter Kavinsky when I thought I knew everything about him.

* * *

**_Peter POV_ **

_Five years,_  when all this time I thought Lara Jean and John had started dating a right after we broke up. I was secretly hoping that when I'd ask her that question she would confirm the doubt that I've had all this time.

That John snaked his way into Lara Jean's heart when I was struggling to balance my relationship, classes and Lacrosse all together.

I absently rub on my knuckles where that nasty scar is, reminding me of the night Lara Jean and I broke up.

888

"So it's  _always_  Sundance Kid? Can't you find someone else to go with?" I was so sick and tired of hearing that John McCleren's name from Lara Jean's mouth. I knew when Lara Jean said he was transferring to UNC the beginning of our sophomore year, he was fucking trouble.

He should have just stayed at the college he was going to and left Lara Jean alone then everyone would have been fine. Now he is trying to weasel his way into my girlfriend's fancies. If he thinks it'll be that easy, he has another thing coming.

She sighs, she's knows this will start another fight. That's whats been happening to our conversations lately and one small sensitive topic from the other begins a fight. Mine would be John McCleren... "He offered to go with me obviously I  _can't_  say no."

I roll my eyes, fuck he always offer to go with Lara Jean even if she doesn't even say anything. He just wants to look good and available compared to me being three hours away. Hell if I don't have Lacrosse practice I would go watch that dumb movie she wants to see then come right back. I can do that for Lara Jean. There are so many things I'd do for her if she went to school closer to UVA. "Yes, tell him no. While you're at it also  _remind_  him that  _I'm your boyfriend._ "

"Yeah, well sometimes I wonder if you are." She mumbles to herself which I heard as if she yelled it in my ear.

"What the  _hell_  does that supposed to  _mean_  Lara Jean?" I snapped at her furiously.

She groans frustratedly, " _Nothing_!"

I bark out a sarcastic laugh as I finally decided to leave my room since roommate, Mark was glaring at me to not start a fight or to take it outside if I plan to. "That wasn't nothing..."

"Peter, we just made up today and we didn't speak for three days because of that." She sounds so exhausted that if I wasn't irritated I'd probably just stop but the fact that she just kicked me where it hurts I am not letting that pass.

"Whose  _fucking_  fault was that Lara Jean?"

"Oh  _my god_ Peter! Asking how your game was last weekend was such a good  _reason_  for you to blow up at me!" She raised her voice this time she's probably pissed off that I cursed just now.

"I told you it was fine, yet for  _some reason_  you wanted every god dam detail!" I don't understand why she's so clingly lately like she needs to know everything as if I'm keeping something from her. She doesn't need to know everything if she can't do anything about it. I don't need to bring her all the bullshit that's in my life right. Why stress her out with my problems? I am keeping her in the dark for her own good.

"Why so I can hear that you've almost been  _dropped_  from your athletics scholarship from  _someone else!_ " That dam Tessa and her mouth. Sometimes she's too nice for her own good that she butts into people's business so much. I almost had a fight with Hardin because of that.

And for crying out loud! I am so tired of having the same goddam fight! "I was going to tell you!" I feel like a broken record saying this. I really was going to let her know but I just haven't had the chance to. I was afraid she's find a way to blame herself because of it when clearly it's not her fault. The words my mother had said to her before had cut deep in her heart that every little problem I have with school or Lacrosse she takes too seriously. So instead of trying to pour my heart out about it, I'd end up comforting her and I wasn't sure I had it in me to.

It was my fault anyway, I thought I could handle all three easily. Actually, Lacrosse and being with Lara Jean was easy but the classes I took was too much for me to handle that it was affecting everything else.

I was dumb enough to even try Pre-law courses. I wasn't even sure what degree I wanted I was forced to take one and for some reason Pre-law could stuck.

"But you didn't Peter! You had to wait till I actually had to confront you  _twice_  about it until you caved."

"Because you wouldn't  _fucking_  leave me alone!"

" _I'm your girlfriend_ Peter! I shouldn't have to force you to tell me things! You should have uphold to the contract you made! You said we will be honest no matter how hard..." and now she's sobbing. Dam it I made her cry. I didn't mean to. I have no idea what is wrong with me...

" _Lara Jean_ ," I sigh. We fight yes alot in the past three months on the phone but when we are together during break or when we visit each other we don't. We act as if we are the perfect couple like we did in high school.

"And to be honest Peter.  _It has been hard_. Everything is, sometimes I can't keep up with you. And I'm tired of fighting everyday.  _Every fucking day..._ " Lara Jean rarely curses. She's like a saint but when she does it means that it's for real. That she has emphasis something she can't express.

I sigh, because I feel it too. I am trying so hard to fix this but for some reason I make it worse every time. This isn't what our relationship should be. We had so much promise before but I can feel it shatter everyday.

"If we keep doing this, we might just end up hating each other," I can hear her voice quiver as she started again.

I clench my teeth afraid of what's to come. I don't want to listen to it.

She was breathing loudly on the phone that I wasn't sure if what she said is what I really heard. "Maybe we should just take a break,"

"The fuck does are you saying Lara Jean!" And I snapped. Cliché breakup words, might as well end it now and get it over with than try to soften the blow.

"We need time apart from each other to figure out things. To figure out if we are what  _we really need._.."

" _But I need you,"_  my voice comes soft as I break down though no tears leave my eyes. I know that no matter what I'd say she won't stay. I knew this was going to happen eventually. She's too good for me.

"No you don't. Not really... you haven't needed me for awhile Peter." What hurts the most is the fact that she believed those words so easily as if she doesn't have a clue that words hurt more to me than anything.

And I broke down, I wish I just cried it's much sincere but it's not what I do when all my walls come crashing down. When my father left our family I lashed out on my mother blaming her for his affair. And unfortunately I feel that anger in my chest and instead of begging for her not to believe those words, I  _do the exact opposite_. "You're right because no matter what I say anyway you've already made up your mind and believe whatever poisonous words you hear from  _other_  people! Fuck Lara Jean if time apart is what you need  _then you can have it!_ "

She gasped, she was hurt that I gave up that easily, she was hoping I'd fight for us even for a little, "Peter—"

"You've made up your mind! Stick to that  _fucking decision!_ " Then I hang up, if she thinks she's getting the last word... she's got another thing coming.

" _Son of a bitch!_ " I scream at the top of my lungs and threw my phone across the hall and it broke into five pieces anyway change of it being fixed is completely shot.

And the next thing I do was too fast I couldn't even have time to think, My fist slammed on the wall in front of me, and I didn't realize this dorm building has cheap drywall instead of actual cement because it cracked. My fist went in the hole and I can feel a sharp pain hand. I pull out my hand and A piece of wood about an inch is pierced into my knuckle cutting into an inch below it. It's bleeding too, I just watch the blood drip to the floor.

I try to move my fingers and I couldn't great I think I broke my hand... Theres a good amount of blood on the floor that I realized I should probably go back to my room.

"Holy shit.  _What the hell happened?_ " Mark shots out of his bed when he saw me and my hand. "Jezus you're bleeding!" He grabbed one of my towels to wrap it around my hand to apply pressure.

I hissed in pain. "I'll be fine." I shove him off but he refused to move away.

"I think it's broken, and you need stitches we need to bring you to the ER." Mark was grumbling to himself.

"I think Lara Jean and I broke up." I said not caring about anything else. I am still in a daze the pain in my hand is numbing my heart.

Mark gritted his teeth angrily and shakes his head. "So you decided to cut yourself?"

"Punched a hole in a wall."

"Let's just go. I'm taking your car. You ain't bleeding in mine." Mark grabs my keys from my dresser drawer and pushes me so I'd move.

"You have a metacarpal fracture." The ER doctor said to me as soon as he he had gotten an x-ray result.

"Your hand is broken, you'll probably need to wear a cast." Mark translate to me thinking he's full of shit when he's only a  _pre-med student_. Fucker, just because he's a pre-med doesn't mean he can go and diagnose people. I don't go around and give people legal advice just because I'm pre-law.

"Your friend is correct and for a few weeks I'm afraid, plus you're going to need stitches." The doctor adds as if he's used to college kids and their stupidity and he's tired of it.. "I'll be able to prescribe you some pain medication for the pain but you have to wait for the bones to knit together." He doesn't even wait for me to say anything he leaves my room when his pager went off. "Excuse me,"

Mark was glaring at me waiting for me to talk. We were quiet the whole ride here though I can hear him grumble curses under his breath probably to get my attention but I didn't even give him any.

"What? Spit it out, Tuan."

"You're a  _fucking_  idiot." He informs me.

I roll my eyes, as if I don't already know that. If I'm on a cast I can't obviously play not when I'm righty. I've only just started playing recently too and I do this. Great. The coach will give me a mouthful. "For breaking my hand?"

"For breaking up  _with_  Lara Jean," then when I narrowed my eyes at him because clearly I don't want to get into it, " _And_  breaking your hand." He sighs. The girlfriend thing can be fixed but my scholarship is already hanging on a thread and this season was supposed to help prove to them that I'm an integral part of the team.

"What are you going to do now,  _Mike Tyson?_ " and I know Mark is calling me this because I decided to throw a right hook at fucking wall.

I shrug because I don't really know. I am far too conflicted to even think straight. I'll just take it one day at a time I guess. If Lara Jean needs time then I'll give it to her, I also need it as well. I have been too hot headed that I need to step back and just calm the down.

When the coach found out about my hand the next day, he was fucking livid. I've never heard so many curse words in one sentence. He was tearing me a new one, he was going on about how I just wasted the season since I obviously can't play. I wasn't sure what other things he said but all in all, I am screwed. The only thing I got from this is that if I can't play even one game before the season is over I am out of the team. It's That simple.

Now all I can do is hope and pray that the team makes it to the semi finals so I can even have a chance to play or else, everything I've worked for in the past two years will be gone.

Fuck this shit. I can't believe that the only thing going for me is gonna be taken from me. All this time my life has only been about Lacrosse then the past three years is Lara Jean. I may have been bad at both but I tried to make work so I can keep them. Either I'm happy with Lacrosse or Lara Jean would be miserable with me.

I can't seem to get anything right! I'm of the verge of losing them and now that I think about it, I couldn't even careless about Lacrosse at the moment. I'm more worried that I haven't spoken to Lara Jean. I am still phoneless because getting a new phone would mean telling my mom about my hand. I don't really intend to, not yet. Not until the medical bill arrives... it'll bother about that later.

Lara Jean is what I'm anxious about and this  _supposed_  break up.

It's not really a break up but just  _time off_ from each other. There was no physical word of "Let's break up have a good life..." it's the  _we need time apart to think things through._

That  _think about it_ word can be my chance! I need a chance to prove to her that if she needs time I'll give it to her  _only_  if she comes back to me. I'll tell her everything that has been going on with me, the one she keeps asking from me. And I won't even expect anything from her in return. I just need to let her know that I am going to do better now.

Now given a choice of who I am losing, I don't want to lose Lara Jean. The only reason I've been such an idiot is because my anger has been getting to me. I don't know what is wrong with me but I think I am not used to working hard for anything. I always had the easy way through everything in my life before... I was so always sure of myself and now that doubt is breaking me slowly. And comes with it, everything I believe I can do.

I was already in Chapel Hill before I knew it, The three hour drive was a blur and now I only have to figure out where Lara Jean would be at 8pm. I have no phone with no way of calling her, I could go to her dorm but Brandy isn't a fan of me lately.

I should start where I think she'd be at during this time. She's studying out her friends but if we had that supposed break up yesterday I doubt she's be studying. Or i hope she's much of a mess as I am, then maybe I'd still have a chance.

I check one of her favorite restaurants in town, but she's not there. Cafe place would be my next bet. And as if lady luck is in my favor she's there. Lara Jean is sitting by the window staring off into space, her hand is absently fiddling with something on her neck.

Oh thank god, she's still wearing the necklace. I should just go in there and go in my knees to beg for her to take me back.

I was about to do just that when I saw John  _fucking_  McCleren coming to her with a cup of coffee. My feet stopped walking and my fist clenched, I wanted to bad to punch that smile on his pretty face for trying to look at my girlfriend like that. I've had enough of his shit...

Then my heart shattered into tiny million peices when Lara Jean looks up from him and she gives me a smile that I know so well. She's happy or close to it. She used to give me that smile when I'd look at her and now seeing her with him and that shine in her was it for me.

I used to be the one to make her happy and now I just have to admit that I'm not giving that for her anymore. I imbed that image in my head, at least the last thing I see of her is of her happy even if its not because of me at least freeing her was a product to that.

888

So yes, the first thing I looked for was her left hand to see if there's a ring there. She is trying to hide it from me but I already saw her turn the diamond around as if the band itself wouldn't be to obvious.

She was staring at my scar and I knew it. So when she asked, I didn't want to answer her straight away, how do I say I got it because I decided to punch a wall because I was an teenage idiot. It eventually led me to lose my scholarship. My mom was pissed but it doesn't matter now. Everything happens for a reason, and it helped me find my passion.

She was picking at the ice cream tasting it but not really enjoying as she should.

If she's uncomfortable then let's make it worse and entertain myself in the process, "You want to know something interesting, Covey."

And she takes the bait, she raises an eyebrow but she's still leaning her back as far back to the chair as possible. "What is?"

"You and I actually  _haven't_   _broken_  up yet."

"What?" She sputters in panic thinking I'm insane. "Yes we have. Seven years we've been broken up!"

I just grin at her, for some reason I am amused by the fact that I am making her flustered. " _Really think_  about it Lara Jean we never had  _proper_  break up."

She is glaring at me now. She is not enjoying this at all and I can see the confusion in her expression trying to understand why I'm bring this up to behind with. She doesn't respond to this anyway because it is true.

"So that means, your  _engagement_  isn't legit because  _technically_  we are still together." I tease her as I point at her hand which her thumb is messing with the ring again. She immediately clenches her fist to stop herself from doing it.

She laughs sarcastically trying to see if I'm joke but then when I don't she points at me accusingly, "We broke up officially as soon you started dating  _all_   _your_  girlfriends Peter!" Because if she started dating Sundance Kid and I started dating too that means I also thought we were broken up.

But I still have this play going in my head, and I'd like to see where it goes. I put my hands together and bowed my head shamefully, "And to that I am sorry. If I only realized sooner I shouldn't have dated anyone."

I glance up at her from my hand and her eyes was about to pop out of her head, her jaw slightly open, "You can't justify you being a  _manwhore_  on a  _technicality_!"

 _Manwhore_? I about choked on my saliva trying not to laugh. Ahh, so now that she sort of believes the bullshit I cooked up the kid gloves come on. Bring it on, Covey. Besides, I maybe linked to women but that doesn't mean there were many girlfriends... if I count them they are still haven't passed my fingers, actually there are only 5.

"Besides, Peter. it just takes common knowledge to know that if you  _haven't_  talked to that person for  _seven years_ it's considered broken up," She eyes me knowingly since obviously I ended that call.

I cleared my throat, feigning innocence. "Well my phone was indisposed at that time." I didn't have a phone for two weeks after since that's when my mom finally got the medical bill.

She rolls her eyes, " _Excuses_ ,"

I chuckle, "It goes  _both ways_ , Lara Jean." She could have easily tried to reach out too.

She opens her mouth to say something but changes her mind and crosses her arms across her chest, stubbornly. "Well we may not have verbally said we broke up but we are."

A thought crosses my mind, "Then why do you keep on twiddling with your ring?"

"I told you—"

And that I know it's an excuse, "From what I notice with you Lara Jean when we would have a fight or some kind of argument your hands would drift to the necklace I gave you," this is actually true she does that when she thinks I'm not looking at her. The last few months before we broke up she'd do that as if reminding herself that the necklace was something that reminded her of the past.

She bites her lip considering this. She's clenching her fist tightly so she wouldn't do it now and give me the satisfaction of being right.

I lean closer, "We never had our closure,"

" _Closure_  is overrated,"

And I don't respond and just smile at her. I just kept my eyes on her hoping that I'd give her an open mind to what I plan for tonight. We just stared at each other, without blinking and she doesn't have any idea who she's dealing with if she's playing this game.

We did this for about thirty seconds until she blinks and groans in frustration, "Fine, so what do you supposed we're going to do with that information? Do you tell your girlfriend and do I tell John that we still haven't broken up? What do you think is going to happen then?"

"Well for one thing, I don't have a  _girlfriend_ ," Guess she does know the rumor mill going around and I continue talking before she interrupts me, "And secondly we don't have to make a big deal about it, all we need to have is a proper break up."

She closes her eyes then breathes out, "By that what does it mean?"

My heart was beating across my chest wildly as I am about to speak. I've done many auditions before that would make me nervous but never in a while I had felt like this adrenaline rising that my palms are sweaty, it never really crossed my mind that she would even entertain my idea, "Let's have our  _one last night_  together."

She scoffs in disbelief, "I am  _not_  sleeping with you Peter,"

Now I am offended that she'd even believe that all I'm after. "You know too well that was never the  _basis_  of our relationship, Lara Jean." It's not like we never had sex before but we didn't need to do it everytime we'd see each other. We were just always satisfied with cuddling, kissing and hugging, and especially talking before our problems started.

And she blushes, and clears her throat. "Sorry," and she's sincere about this apology too.

"I mean, one last night where we just walk around New York City, and talk... there are places I'd want to take you—"

I wasn't sure what I said next because I was just spewing words to make it convincing. I actually don't want our night to end just here. I want more of just sitting here and dreading the moment she'd say she has to go.

But I was more stunned by her answer that it took me a second to comprehend she just agreed to it, "Okay, I'll do it. One Last Night, I'll go where ever you want to take me. But once that sun comes up. It's over. We break up,  _officially_. We get one with our lives."

"We get our closure." And as I said there there is a tiny glimmer of hope in my heart, which I need to shut before it spreads like a virus.

"Yes." And I didn't realize how beautiful and painful that word actually means as it leaves her lips.

* * *

_**A/N** :_

_Woooooooow. See i hate writing soooooo long chapters lol i feel like i don't know how to compress everything that is in my head. I hope you love this chapter guys! It was kind of hard to write because I was just playing around with the plot and now I actually have to write events that would lead to this One Last Night and how they broke up in the first place or "sort of" hahaha in the famous words of Ross Geller from FRIENDS "WE WERE ON A BREAAK!"_

_Okay, so yes most of you already know it's John Ambrose as the fiance i really didn't need to do the suspense thing but I have nothing against John but he's the only one who actually came between Peter and Lara Jean._

_What do you think of this story so far? Keep the two POVs still? Even if its going to get longer hahah don't forget to leave reviews to let me know if love hate or chuck it hahaha thank you for the awesome feedback this story is getting. I just needed a break there thats why I went silent hahah the chapter 25 for This Is Us (shameless plug hahah) squeezed everything in my head Idk if im still a writer hahahah_

_Still keep the reviews and follows going! Please? Thaanks!_


	4. Chapter 4

_**a/n**_ :  _Disclaimer loveliessss! Alright enjoy the chapter! and let me know what you think_

* * *

** Chapter Four **

_**Peter POV** _

"Been with  _two_  at the  _same time?_ " Lara Jean asks me with am amusement shine in her eyes. Her twenty questions started off with the most uncomfortable questions and for some reason she is just enjoying wanting me to curl into a ball with all her personal questions.

I rolled my eyes and walked ahead of her. I regretted starting this. I was just doing this because before I suggested the twenty questions ordeal there was such an awkward silence between us. We were walking along side each other, I'd notice Lara Jean looking up at me every minute or so wanting to say something but she wasn't sure. So to make it less tense I gave her a chance to ask me any question she wants. Then she decides to start with the most inappropriate question ever but this sort of tops it and she still has ten questions left.

"Hey!" Lara Jean snickers and catches up only to walk ahead then begins to walk backwards facing me. "Silence means  _yes_?"

" _No_."

Then she grins, " _Three_?"

I stopped walking abruptly that she bumps into my chest. I grabbed her arm and stretch my elbows to keep her at arms length. I glared at her, " _Seriously_  Covey, I said no to  _threesome_  you really think I'd say yes to an  _orgy_?"

She shrugs, "Who knows..." she is really entertained making me uncomfortable I swear.

I let her go and start walking again, "Besides, more than  _one_  sounds a lot of work." I grumble, even the thought of it is exhausting me.

"Aww Peter, I can't keep going if you're being such a baby." She catches up to me again and playfully knocks her shoulder to my arm.

I ignored her since she was laughing, "You still have nine questions." I hissed under my breath trying to sound annoyed but her giggling is not helping my cause to stay annoyed.

"I better make this count then." She raised an eyebrow at me.

"I think there should be  _ground rules_  to this game."

" _What_?  _why?_ " She protested and pouts.

"Well, we can drop it but just so you remember, I'm the one asking the questions  _next_ , Covey." I give her a side glance and I can see the horrified expression on her face, now I'm laughing. Though I seriously won't ask her any personal questions like that. Don't ever want to hear about her sex life either but it's fun to tease her.

She gasped and pushes me that I almost tumbled sideways but I caught myself. "Who said I am playing? You were the one you said I can ask.. "

I straightened my jacket then narrowed my eyes at her, "Seems only fair since your asking me all these question," which I really think were useless anyway. I think she's just asking just doing this to either make me feel her feel more comfortable about being with me or she might just be plain curious but I'm positive it's the former.

She crosses her arms across her chest stubbornly, "Then  _I am_  not playing anymore."

She's so stubborn sometimes that she always wants to get what she wants. And she wonders where Kitty gets it. It's definitely from her but Kitty has perfected it more since she's a lot younger, but Lara Jean has her moments.  _Like now_ , "Fine Covey, you can play with no strings." She can ask me dumb questions but I get squat. Oh well, just having her smile entertained by making me uneasy makes it better.

She beamed up happily, excited for her victory. "See that wasn't so hard was it Kavin— _Peter_." She bites her lip forgetting that we had the deal to not throw around my last name easily. We may be walking around the less crowded spot of the city but you can't still never be too sure.

"Whatever," I mumble.

And she starts throwing questions, "Have you ever  _been_  with a fan?"

"You already asked  _that_ ," I grumbled. That was her first question too like she really thinks I'd use my status to get women. I only sleep with women I am dating, one night stand was never my scene.

"Oh," then she giggles, then continues, "Is it true that you caused Camila Mendez and Victor Houston's break up?"

I roll my eyes, this isn't the first time I've been accused of this. Funny thing is, I didn't even do anything. Camila and Victor already have problems to begin with, I was just her scapegoat. She was falling for her current boyfriend anyway and didn't want Victor to think she was cheating on her with him. "No. Camila is just a friend."

she paused for a moment trying to think. I was afraid with Camila's name coming out of her lips, she might  _ask_  me about my actual ex-girlfriend and to my surprise she asks something completely different and a much better question that she had been asking. "Why did you take your cousin, Georgia, to all the awards show instead of your mom?" She was probably referring to my first ever nomination four years ago, since most of the time when I attend these shows I either go stag or with a current girlfriend.

My cousin Georgia, is my only girl cousin and the only Kavinsky (Other than Mom and Owen) I talk to ever. When I moved to LA I lived with her for a few months before I was able to afford my own place. She immediately called me once I got my nomination, demanding that I'd take her. I didn't really mind, it was to keep my dating rumors at the time at bay. Besides, Mom was still not happy about my career change and move to LA that it was much easier to bring someone who wanted to go, "You've met Georgia before, she can't take no for an answer." This is a much more safer way to respond without needing to get into details about my life.

She pursed her lips together, recalling the first time she met my cousin. Georgia had already declared her as the sister she never had, and forced Lara Jean to hang out with her for the two weeks she was in Virginia during the summer before our senior year. "Sure," now she's uncomfortable because I remind her of a time when we did date and we were blissfully happy.

I don't want to go at square one with her, not when she has been smiling and loosened up a bit with me than she did the past hour. "Next one?" I encourage her.

"Um," she taps at her chin trying to think, then that playful grin is back on her lips, "Is it true that you and Asa Butterfield had a fist fight because of Hailee Steinfeld?"

I pinch the bridge of my nose, "Do you have me on google alert or something?" I snapped at her finally kind of done with the dumb questions.

She widens her eyes and blushes, "No!" Then she stumbles her next words trying to explain that she only saw it because the magazines which is always placed at the front of the counter for everyone to see. "You kind of not been living quietly when you're not dating,"

I really can't deny that because if I'm dating, I don't go out as much as I used to when I'm single. The photos that were made out that I was about to get hit, which was far from the truth. "Asa got too drunk, argued with her boyfriend." Asa and Hailee had a history which I don't really get into, all I know is if I didn't take Asa outside for a breather he'd end up punching the boyfriend. "You should never even read those rubbish. They always add seasoning to stories far too much."

"It's called  _tabloid_  for a reason," She says, agreeing with me.

I turn to face her and a smile formed in my lips, "If you know that, then why ask?"

She shrugs, "I don't have anything in mind— _oh crap!"_ She shrieks when she accidentally steps on a crack on the sidewalk slightly twisting her ankle.

My reflexes were much faster than I expected because I had already had my arms around her back and I pulled her to my body. Her chest was leaning on mine, she lifts her chin and our eyes met. We were a few inches apart, and her breath on my neck is driving me insane, I had to mentally tell myself not to lean forward.

"Thanks," she mumbles.

She didn't even flinch on my touch, or even immediately move away. She was keeping her gaze at me as if trying to read me, I can feel her looking into my soul. I don't know what she's trying to figure out but I just let her. We stay like this for a second or two until I speak, "You know, there are other  _rumors_  you can ask me about to see if it's true or not." I say as softly as possible afraid that I'd break the state that we are in, which I still can't figure out what is.

Her eyebrows met in confusion, not sure what I'm insinuating. "Like what?"

I can feel my fingers slightly tightening on her arms, I'm afraid to find out her take on how the media is playing out my break up with Camilla. She called me a man-whore a while ago, does that really what she sees me as? Is that why she's looking at me tying to decide if I'm the same person she knew from before or am I totally different person, " _Camilla's song_..." I was terrified to hear her response.

Her face softens and she smiles at me encouragingly. She does this to help when I'm doubting myself. Back when we were together, during my games if I'm struggling to keep up I'd always try to find her face in the crowd and if she just waves or smiles at me like she has all this faith on me even if I don't... it just gives me all the strength that I fight in. "What about her song? I mean it's charting yes but I don't really like it... not when she's asking to take sides when it's obviously not the truth."

"You don't—" and I can feel the weight on my chest being lifted. Even if I know the truth myself but with people saying that I am, it just sometimes make you believe it too. And most of the time, one statement from a person who is important to you just changes everything.

She shakes her head, "Peter, one thing I know about  _you_  is that you're  _always_  faithful and loyal. No matter how hard things get, you always stay to work things out. I don't really know what really happened between you two but I am  _positive_  it wasn't your fault."

There was a lump that formed on my throat as Camilla's words echoed in my mind, _'I tried to break down that wall for a year, I felt like competing with someone I don't even know.'_ Maybe Camilla does have a point, I can't blame her for everything that has happened to us too. I was lacking without even realizing it... "Thanks," that's all I can tell her though, instead of complicating this night even more.

"Besides, there are other people who are don't believe it too. Didn't one of your exes argue with Camilla?"

"You really  _do_  have  _me_  on google alert," I accuse her now which I'm sure I just ruined the moment I have with her. Since she groans and pushes me away from her.

"I don't! Kitty does!" And I actually do believe her but it's more fun to tease her than admit to it out loud. "I am freaking serious!" She smacks my arm more than once which hurt her more because I flexed.

"Alright! Alright!" I was still trying so hard not to laugh because her face is bunched up frustrated at me and she still is hitting me. " _Kitty_  does not me!" I know this to be true because I still speak to Kitty once in a while, not as much as we did years ago when she was still a teenager. We did have lunch in L.A a couple years ago on their senior trip since their class decided to go to California so she called me up asking if I was in town. I wasn't but I flew down to see her, it was nice catching up with the kid.

"You are so full of it,  _Peter Kavinsky!_ " She pouts and shoves me again then stomps forward quickly leaving me.

There were three people walking towards us, they were chatting away until Lara Jean screamed out my name again and the young lady about Kitty's age or younger I assume, stopped her steps and gawked at me. Of course, I don't have my hood up or my scarf to cover my face. And Lara Jean is still sauntering away, I probably should catch up to her.

That girl runs up to me while her friends was calling after her, "Hey Nona! Can you stop!" A guy cried out worriedly.

I was frozen to my spot unsure of what to do, so I just smile at this Nona girl. Thankfully Lara Jean has stopped and turns towards me. "Omg,  _you're_  Peter Kavinsky!" She gasped in excitement, jumping up and down.

"Last I checked," I pursed my lips together and then gave her the most charming smile I can concur despite me wanting to leave her off her tracks.

Her two other friends, another chick and a guy was already next to us, the guy looks embarrassed for his friend. I think this girl is visiting New York while the other two are probably living here not surprised to see famous people walking around the city. "Sorry, my little sister needs a chill pill," He held down his sister's shoulder to have her stop jumping up and down. "Jesus, stop." He hissed at her.

"Ey, you can't tell me to be calm not when destiny has finally brought us together! I have been inlove with you since I was thirteen!" Nona cried out excitedly.

"Which was like  _three years ago_ ," the other girl commented under her breath.

 _Yikes, a minor_. I've had declarations of love like this before saying that destiny brought us together because we've met up some place Or whatever bullshit excuse they have that make me think they have lost their minds. At least, I don't have stalkers anymore who for some reason wait for me at the airport stating they love me wanting to marry me. But I do come across a few extremist that I already know how to handle them.

"I may be young but I know what love is," Nona's eyes are so dreamy that it makes me wonder if she actually experienced the kind of love I've had before or she just wants the kind I portray on screen.

"Well, I was about your age when I did know what it really means." I tell her softly hoping I don't offend her because there are some who gets mad that I belittle how they feel. Then I glance towards Lara Jean and she's just watching me, waiting. "That moment your heart beats so fast when you meet their eyes and then it stops when they smile at you. How just being with them makes your day brighter despite being one of the worse days of your life, and lastly how everything hurts so much when you are apart that only having them close to you heals that pain."

Lara Jean's lips formed a thin line. I notice her hand drift to where the locket I gave her used to sit on her neck. Then when she realized what she was doing, she hugs herself and turns away that same second. Then started walking off again, damn it.

"You obviously haven't felt that with this guy."

"Shut up Karl." Nona punches her brother then smiles at me again.

As nicely as I can, I look at Nona. "Listen, how about a photo together? I'm sorry but I really do think I should be heading back to my hotel."

Nona blinks and nods happily, "Yes please! Oh my god!" She shoves her phone at her brother, "Come here, Mellie!" As she grabs the other girl to stand next to her.

Karl rolls his eyes and raises the phone, "Alright, ready?"

I put an arm around Mellie and Nona then as Karl did a countdown, I smile but I was looking past the camera as I see Lara Jean deciding if she was going to cross the street or turn right. She turns right disappearing from my sight.

"Thank you so much!" Nona said, I wasn't sure how many shots was taken.

"You are welcome," I try to sound calm but I was already anxious because I need to catch up to Lara Jean before she takes another turn I wouldn't know where, and what would be much worse is if she'd get lost. "It was nice meeting you, Karl, Nona and Millie." And I did one last smile before I start walking away following after Lara Jean.

"Oh my god, he knew my name!" I hear Nona gasp behind me, while her brother grumbled saying maybe he should have asked for a photo as well. And this made me move a lot faster.

I put my hoodie up, and turned right. I cursed out under my breath because I can't see Lara Jean. She either crossed the street or down the subway. I can't let the night end like this... I am not sure what I said but her running away from me could only mean she heard everything I said.

Luckily I found her coming out of a street corner then she was on her phone trying to figure out where to go. I thank god for her wrong sense of direction that I can catch up.

I run as fast as my feet take me, I grabbed her arm but she shoved my arm away, "Lara Jean!" I wrapped my hands on her wrist and take her back to that corner she just came out of.

"No! Let me go Peter!" She protested trying wiggle out of my hold but I didn't even budge.

I kept walking until I think it's safe from bystanders. I turn to face her and I froze, immediately letting her go. Tears were falling from her eyes, she's crying. Why is she crying? "Lara Jean?" I say weakly. Her tears was something I was not expecting at all.

"What are we doing Peter?" She asks me, her fist clenched tightly.

"I—"

" _What are we doing_?" She repeats the question, I can hear the desperation in her voice as she waits for me to probably explain.

And to be honest I don't have the answer. So instead of even trying to, I pulled her into my arms and just hugged her. She cried into my jacket and I was comforting her. I am not sure why she is crying but the fact she isn't pushing me away means that at least I'm doing something right.

* * *

**_Lara Jean POV_ **

" _What are we doing, Peter?_ " I ask the question because I am confused. I had no idea why agreed to this last night ordeal but I just yes without thinking until we started walking to wherever he wanted to go. He even took the subway and we were seated far away from each other so no one would think we were together.

That was when I started to think why I wanted to go with him. He didn't even need to convince me as he started rambling about things to do not why we should do it... but I said yes anyway.

Did I also want closure? Did I also want a proper break up? We may not have a proper breakup but we go on our lives knowing that we did...

_**888** _

"It has been almost two years, you're still wearing that necklace." This isn't the first time Brandy has mentioned about me still keeping that necklace around my neck despite me and Peter breaking up a year and a half ago.

I ignore her and I just clasp the thing back on, the only time I'd take it out is when I shower otherwise it stays on. I really can't answer why I still wear it. Brandy keeps accusing me of hoping that Peter and I would get back together. Which I answer her honestly that hope of it even happening has died down as soon as I knew he went to California for acting workshop the summer after we broke up.

I just stayed home most of the month in my room and grieved for that break up I didn't even have time to think about during school. Maybe because I was hoping he's eventually call me but he never did, now he has moved to a different path I even had no idea he'd have an interest in.

I eventually accepted that, Peter indeed has become a stranger. It broke my heart even more than it already was but at least I faced the pain instead of ignoring it.

"What do you think John would feel or  _even_  think when he sees you still wearing  _that_  necklace?" Brandy reprimands me yet again, this always happens when I'd comeback from hanging out with John.

I sigh, tired of hearing this. I sound like a broken record every time, "He wouldn't because we are  _just friends."_

" _Friends_. Probably  _you_  see it that way but that boy doesn't. His eyes are all for you... he is obviously in love with you, yet you're too blind to see it." Brandy said.

I sit on my bed heavily. I am too tired for this conversation. I've already had a long night with John's friends trying to ask questions of why this or if I'm okay with John dating someone else because he's quite the catch.  _Dur, obviously._  No one in their right mind wouldn't find John attractive but I really don't see myself dating really. I want to focus on school, I'm taking Pre-med and I am not even going to proceed but I still want to do well just in case this Pastry shop with Leah and Charlie won't work out.

Brandy snaps her fingers impatiently trying to get my attention since she is waiting for my response. " _Maybe_  it's to repel guys from wanting to date me." I said irritably.

She scoffs and rolls her eyes, "Funny, since  _only_  John and I know who gave you  _that_  necklace." Then she moves glides in her chair towards me so she'd be an foot away from me, she leans forward to squint at me, "Unless you are really just trying to  _repel_  John without actually trying to tell him you aren't interested."

Maybe... maybe it's easier without hurting him with my words or possibility I am used to wearing the locket that even when I shower it just feels so weird to not have it on.  _Or_  I am secretly hoping that if Peter comes back to look for me, he'd see that I'm still wearing the locket... no definitely  _not the latter_.

I  _am_  over Peter.

" _Good night_  Brandy," I say this instead and lay down turning my back on her.

She groans in frustration, "Fine, be that way. But just so you know  _ignoring_  me doesn't  _make_  me stop."

I smirk under the covers, "You've been my roommate since freshman year. I  _obviously_  know that."

It was quiet for a few seconds then I felt Brandy sit in bed next to me. "It has been two years Lara Jean, if he wanted to get back together with you he could have called or drive down here." She had her hand on my arm, squeezing it comfortingly.

I grit my teeth together, I am so exhausted hearing this I swear. I am aware that she means well but what's such a big deal with wearing a freaking locket... sure it was just given by an ex boyfriend, or the boy that I loved with all that I have but it doesn't mean anything.

It's not me holding on to Peter but actually just reminds me of a time that I was happy with the thought of love. The necklace is a proof that love did exist and someday I'll experience it again. If I force myself to love without really being sure—

"Lara Jean?"

I sigh, and turn to face Brandy. "It's  _just_  a piece of jewelry."

She gives a knowing looking like she doesn't believe me.

"I've worn this necklace since I was seventeen Brandy, that's five years. I can't easily part with it and it's only because of that, nothing else." My fingers touch the locket. "This isn't really an expensive piece either, so if it gives out on me..." It's expensive for me and Peter because we were in high school with no job but other than that...

"You'll easily part with it?" She asks me.

I swallowed, thinking about that moment makes me nervous but I nod anyway. "It's just a  _necklace_."

"Okay, then." Brandy wanted to believe me, she really does but she leaves me alone because she's also tired sounding like a broken record.

It was a month before graduation that Leah and I were panicking trying to find something to wear. I had my reason since I was busy with my thesis while Leah was busy with her paper. Plus, Leah and I are preparing for the opening of the Pastry shop that will happen in six months.

" _I am going to kill Charlie_ ," Leah grumbled from the other side of the dressing room. We have picked out five dresses already and nothing. "She already found a dam dress and didn't even offer to take us."

Well, Charlie and Brandy went together but didn't even tell us until last week. The brats. "How are you doing there?" I ask Leah. I was wearing an orange dress and it's nice but its just not my style it's too busty...

"I've tried on four but this  _looks_  and... I am just going to be doomed wearing some of my old dresses..." Leah complains.

I was thinking on getting the green one, it wasn't so bad. When Leah asks, "Hey Lara Jean, I think you'll look good in this, than I do."

I unlock the door for her, "Oh yeah, come in then." I was still trying to decide if I want to try on the green one again or wait for Leah since she might like this orange dress on me.

Leah comes in but she was wearing a black dress which is an amazing look on her. "You already look incredible, why am I trying that on?"

She shakes her head and giggles, "Not this, I am already purchasing this." She turns and the fluffy dress bubbles up. That's when I noticed she was holding a blue dress. "This dress. I think you'll look pretty in this shade of blue,"

_'You look pretty today, I like you in blue,'_

I immediately had my finger on my neck but then I noticed the locket isn't there. Oh my god! I was too distracted with the busty dress that I didn't even notice the necklace isn't there. I start to scramble on the floor freaking out, that all I can hear is Leah repeatedly asking what's going on.

"My necklace," I chocked out the answer since I was focusing on not to cry or else I'd be too teary eyed to even find it.

"Were you wearing it?" Leah asks as she also starts to help.

" _Yes_! I  _never_  take it off!" I snapped my emotions are so erratic I can't even apologize.

"Okay, okay. We will find—" then Leah paused and then she was touching my dress. "Lara Jean, is this it?"

And I looked, she was trying to untangle the chain from the lacy dress and in my heart I knew there was something wrong with it, it seemed a lot longer than it should be, then part of the chain fell on the floor... along with it I can hear my heart break.

Leah bites her lip and hands me the pieces of the chain with the locket. "I am  _so_  sorry."

But it's not Leah's fault... I should have been more careful. I usually don't have my necklace when I'd go clothes shopping because the chain is too thin that It'll get caught and this would happen.

"They'll be able to fix that, it's not a problem  _or_  buy a new chain."

I nod weakly, that's not the point though. The chain is part of the necklace without it then it's just half of it. "It's okay." Then I carefully place it in the pocket of my purse trying to hold a sob.

"You want to try this dress on?" Leah asks not knowing if the conflict I am fighting with myself. She offers me the blue dress.

I shake my head, I rarely wear anything blue lately anyway and besides I want to go home. "I think I'll get this green dress."

Leah raises an eyebrow, "What about this orange one? It's really good on you."

Bitterly, I answer"Nah, it's  _too_  busty." Though in my heart I know why I don't want anything to do with this dress. I quickly pull the dress over my head not caring that Leah is there. Granted it won't really matter since Leah is a girl too and she's seen me change a million times too.

"Um, okay then. So I'm getting this black dress. Are you sure you don't want to try this on?" She offers the blue dress again really adamant that I'll look better with it.

"No," I replied as I grabbed the green dress from it's hanger to ready to purchase. "This is fine."

"Aren't you getting dressed first?" Leah asked warily since I was getting ready to leave in my shorts without my top.

"Oh... yeah. right." Dam it I am so out of it now I can't even focus. I grabbed my shirt and put it on. "I'll meet you at the counter?" I ask Leah since she's just staring at me wondering if I am alright.

But she just nods anyway and tells me to go ahead. The next thirty minutes became a blur to me that I was just sitting on my bed the broken chain and locket is on my palm, when I did start doing that, I wasn't sure. I remember saying to Brandy that it's just jewelry because I believed then but right now I have no idea anymore. If I this was only a piece of jewelry that I wear because I am used to this then I shouldn't be tearing up this way. I am mourning for this  _thing_  like I just when I realized that Peter and I were officially over 2 years ago…

I hear the front door open, and Brandy comes in. "Oh the day I had  _seriously_ , I have never wanted to murder— _Lara Jean_?" Brandy looks at me and sees the tears in my eyes then my open palm.

"The chain broke on the locket when I was trying on a dress." I stifled a sob as I helplessly lowered my palm so Brandy can see.

Without another second thought, Brandy sits next to me and wraps her arms around me, pulling me close to her with my head on her chest. "Oh, Lara Jean. I am so sorry." She whispers into my hair sincerely. She kept caressing my back as I cried in her arms. Normally, she'd probably justify and throw the conversation we had about parting with this easily but Brandy is just letting me. "Just cry it out… it's alright." And I know she means that cry out those  _feelings_ I had buried away has crept up and I am actually weeping about something else.

As much as I wanted to believe that I was over Peter, it was all a lie. Well a lie to a point because I have learned to survive without him in my life but the locket meant so much more to me that I lead on. I was still hurting because I never really had the closure I needed. We never had the proper break up, I told him I just needed time to think things though because Peter and I would just fight every time we talk on the phone. I figured the time apart will eventually remind us that we were being stupid and hot headed… that we do love each other enough to survive this even if it's only hanging by a thread.

But he never called me back and I was too afraid to call him as days passed because he'd realize that the  _break_  was actually better for us. The days turned to weeks and then months… finally I was hoping to officially break up with him that summer. So I just went to assume that we officially broke up then. I mourned for lost love and then decided to move forward because I presumed, he did too.

I didn't even think that I was hurting until the chain broke. It came to me so quickly I didn't even have time to protect myself from that blow. I was actually using the locket to keep the pain at bay. Even if I already accepted that Peter and I would never get back together, the pendant was a replacement of his absence. it's sounds pathetic now but it's the truth. And now, I actually have to face that fact cold turkey.

"I shouldn't act like  _this_ … it's been over for a while now." I cry my eyes out when I thought I already did that.

Brandy smiles sadly, "Who ever said time heals all wounds is  _just full of shit._  Because if you never really face that situation then you can't heal. Crying is the beginning Lara Jean, it doesn't matter how long it takes you but as long as your facing it now? Then it'll be fine… I promise."

**_888_ **

Peter was looking right straight to me as he tells that girl about how the presence of that person heals the pain, just reminded me of when I used that locket as a crutch to live through that time. How can he sound like  _he_  has been in pain all this time and just having me next to him makes it all go away?

What's worse is that, the longer I stay with him the more that weight in my chest lessens yet at the same time I ache as I remember that I was actually engaged. I have a fiancée and I am wandering around New York City with an ex-boyfriend. I shouldn't even do this to John, not when he has done nothing but be this incredible patient man who has waited for me to chose him, to wait that one day it will be our time because in the five years we have been together I never doubted anything… but when he proposed I just felt conflicted.

I didn't even understand why so I guess when gave me the reason about our last night I thought it would be good for me and Peter. Though now, I just realized that I am hurting John if I go through this. John doesn't deserve this at all.

When Peter just stare at me helplessly not knowing the answer to my question. I had to ask him again, " _What are we doing?"_

Instead of responding, he just pulls me into his arms and hugs me. I broke down as tears wouldn't stop falling from my eyes. I could feel his hand softly caressing my back, I wanted to push him away but I didn't. His words echoed in my mind lastly ' _How everything hurts so much when you are apart that only having them close to you heals that pain.'_

I feel guilty that being this close to him is making my tears stop, I shouldn't feel this way but denying that I am will not do well for everyone. I slightly move away now and I can feel him loosen his hold around me. "I'm sorry."

He shakes his head and groans, "No I should apologize. For making you cry…"

I wipe my tears and try to laugh but it sounded like a cough.

"I really can't answer your question but I can tell you something and I am sure you are going to think I am so dumb."

I look up at him and I can see him slightly turn red even in the dimmed area we are in. My attention is peaked, "What?"

"Now  _promise_  me you won't  _laugh._ " He said with a straight face and I am sure he is just saying this to distract me.

"I'll try." I can feel my lips twitch already. I am so emotionally unstable tonight. Five seconds ago, I was bawling my eyes out then now I am on the verge of laughing because of how Peter is acting so embarrassed about something.

"I came to New York because I wanted to check out your opening, Owen told me about it like a month ago." He finally spills out shyly.

I let out a chortle, slightly finding him so adorable, "But it's tomorrow evening and it's only a soft opening with invites." Granted if Peter shows up Leah and Charlie wouldn't mind so much since Peter would bring in good publicity. We already sent out a few celebrities invites too but they would always love more.

He sighs and scratches the back of his head, "I know that. I was going to just have a friend of mine who was going to bring me some of your baked goods anyway."

I make a mental list of the people we invited to know if Peter is friends with any of them and for some reason no one comes to mind. "Why?"

He shrugs nonchalantly but I can tell by how he isn't looking at me that he really doesn't want to answer that.  _"Because…"_

A smile forms on my lips, I really don't need to force him if he doesn't want to. "Okay. It's alright, you don't need to say it."

"I wanted to so bad but, I have to be back in California tomorrow morning. So that plan was completely shot," Then his expression turned grim, "Lara Jean, listen we don't have to go on tonight. We can just say our goodbyes  _right now_  it's okay. I don't want to get you upset anymore."

I chew on my bottom lip trying to think about it. A huge part of me, t _he more logical side i_ s screaming that I should end it now. He is giving me the offer and that I should take it… only trouble can ensue in this one night thing. But that small part of me, that girl who loved Peter so deeply even if she was so young to know what love truly meant, wants a better end than before. I want to oblige that side of me so badly that I say, "We can go to my bakery  _now."_

He is flustered by my reply, that he stumbles at his words as he said, "What?"

I am totally thinking the same thing now, but I shove that logical side of me and answer Peter. "You said you wanted to see the shop. We can do that, unless you want to end it now too?"

He shakes his head, he is conflicted by my decision. He is also fighting with his logic than his heart. "Lara Jean,"

"I know I cried just now, and I have no clue why…"  _or_  I actually refuse to admit it out loud because I am just going to dig myself into a deeper hole that I am already in. "But you were right,  _we need our closure_. We never really had that, but I got to be honest, I just feel guilty…" I clenched my fist together, refusing to mess with my ring again.

"McCleren." His answer is simple because it's true.

"Because at the end of this, I am still engaged to John."

He smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes, "Well, that's the point is for tonight."

I know the truth but why does my heart clench when he said that. "Yes."

"Don't feel too bad tonight Covey, I may not have a girlfriend but maybe after tonight I will."

I try not to react to that, obviously Peter is rumored with a lot of women since his breakup. I mean he was with Lana Condor in Vegas before he was in New York. He has been linked to her for the past two months, it will only be a matter of time till they'd be officially be dating. Jeez, Kitty needs to stop talking about Peter. I sound like a stalker, or someone who has Peter on google alert. I don't really need to… his name pops up so many times lately. "Okay. I won't."

We were silent for a while until he says, "So your bakery?"

And I nod completely forgetting the slight tension between us just a few seconds ago. "Yeah, we can do that." then I grab my phone from my pocket to open my Maps app. I stare at my phone for more than a second since I had gotten a message from John and Brandy asking if I'm at the hotel already.

"What are you doing?" Peter asks but at least he didn't see the messages since I was quick enough to open the app hiding my shame.

"Bakery… I'm confused."

He laughs and shakes his head, then hitting my lock button on my phone. "And get us lost?" he keeps talking before I interrupt him. "Besides, I told you I know New York at the back of my hand. Just tell me the address."

And I tell him and he looks at his watch, "Well, we still can take the last train heading that direction since that route doesn't stop there after 1am, so we have fifteen minutes still."

 _1 am?_  I gasped. It's that late already? Yet Peter and I have just been together for two hours then in four hours the sun is going to rise this ending this  _thing_.

"We should start  _heading_  that direction," he gestures back to the main street.

"Can I still ask my six questions,?" I wasn't sure if that was still on the table because I have a question in my mind.

He grins at me deviously, "Yes.  _But_  That's five questions now."

I widen my eyes, " _What_? No!"

"You  _asked_  a question if you can ask… and I said yes. That makes it minus one."

I narrow my eyes at him, but I really can't get away from it since he was right. " _Fine_ ," I gave up.

He shrugs and starts walking, "It only seems fair since I can't ask you too."

I roll my eyes ignoring him, and say the question that I had been wanting to ask as soon as he said it. "If you know New York like the back of your hand, why do you  _live_  in California and  _not_  New York?"

He stops and turns to look at me. He kept his gaze steady at me, his mouth opens and closes still trying to form the words for his answer.

"What?" I can feel his eyes bore into mine that he is hoping I'd know the answer to this without saying it out loud.

"Just because I enjoy visiting a place doesn't mean I have to live here."

"Ah," Well I really can't argue with that answer but for some reason there is more to it and the way he is watching me is as if he's hoping I'd know the  _real reason_.

He lets out a breath and continues walking. "You coming, Covey?" without even stopping.

I have to take huge strides to follow after him, "You know you can't get in the store without my key!" he is still ahead of me, dam him and his long legs. I can barely keep up without trying to run now.

Then I felt my phone in my palm vibrating, I peep through it slightly to see John's name pop up.

I stop walking completely staring at my phone. If I answer John, he'd probably ask me what I'm doing which would mean I'd lie to him just to tell him that I am  _not_  with Peter—

"Lara Jean? We have to catch the train." Peter urges me forward not knowing why I'm staring at my phone.

After a few more rings, the phone call becomes a missed call, and a text message from John.

**~You're probably asleep. Good night, Lara Jean. I love you. I'll see you tomorrow.**

_Crap. I am going to hell after this… I am sure._

* * *

**A/N:** _ummmm... i am not sure what is going on my mind at the moment. i am as conflicted as LJ because she seems to have many emotions here. Happy sad happy...lol kyaaa help me? do you like the chapter because I'm worried with the angst hahaha_

_Let me know what you think? Please? should i even continue? i am sooo confused... they have 4 hours left..._

_Thank you for giving the story much love guys... without it I wouldn't have inspiration to write at all. And put in names if youre not signed in... who knows you might get a cameo role like the three people in this chapter hahahahahahah (special shout out to them! you know who you are hahaha)_

_for my TIU readers, yes yes updates are being asked and i am trying... maybe because chapter 25 was so well loved i feel the pressure to make the other one as good! PLUS CLIMAX! its always difficult hahaha anyway! Be patient my darlings, i am writing still just that This LJ PK AU is calling to me._

_alright, i end my mumbles here! Don't forget review, follow, favorite for more!_


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: hello guys, i know I have been gone for a while and all i can say is I do apologize. I started writing again and going to update soon! I'm just giving you a little taste of what I plan for this chapter really. Im trying to update two stories at the same time now._

_Enjoy the preview guysss! I'll try to be as present now! With all your lovely reviews i might be able to have more inspiration. Just been lazied out and I'm sorry. Love u all!_

_**EDIT(3/11/2019)**  this isn't a preview anymore... this is just a stand alone chapter. Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

**Chapter Five**

**_Lara Jean POV_ **

The train only had a handful of people but once again I sat across from Peter just so no one would think we are together. He would look at me once in a while and smile but then eventually he'd kept looking at his watch, anxiously.

It just turned 1am is he worried about something? The train already announced last stops to certain areas but we can still make it to the street where the shop is.

Oh the corner of my eye, there are three ladies who looks like they are about to go home from a night run or something, was whispering amongst themselves and pointing at Peter. He has finally calmed down a bit. He has his back straight on the seat, his head slightly tilted that his hood had fallen, revealing his face. One of the them took a photo too because from his position he seems like he had fallen asleep.

I seriously don't know how Peter can do this or get used to this at all, having his life publicised like this for simple things, like even sitting on a subway a photo needs to be taken. Sure, he has had the sort of popular in high school and freshman in college because of Lacrosse until he got benched during sophomore year and then after that I'm not sure anymore... I never asked Kitty about Peter's Lacrosse. But this is far too much for one guy to handle, and I wonder if he's really used to it or he just goes on because he doesn't have a choice.

One of the ladies walks up to Peter while her friends kept encouraging her. They were so obnoxiously loud from their corner, even taking a video about it too. Peter then opens his eyes, obviously even if he's used to people gawking at him doesn't mean he can't ignore the fact that the girl is standing over him.

"Peter Kavinsky?" She asked nervously.

Peter smiles, "Hi."

The two ladies behind was giggling too when Peter waved at them. "I was wondering or I mean  _we_  were wondering if we could get a photo with you?" She stutters nervously then gestures her friend to back up first.

Then that's when I saw it, Peter's smile that he perfected when he's trying to please people but he's totally wanting to run the other way refusing anything you want him to do. I've seen that smile so much during our last few months together. It used to break my heart when I'd see it but right now it's making me melt along with her.

"Just  _one_  photo if that's okay." Peter says sweetly but I can see him twitch slightly. His mouth says yes but his whole entire body is refusing it. He really can't be rude at all because this is his living.

"Yes, that would be perfect." She gazes at Peter and flutters her eyelashes hoping to get Peter's attention other than her being a fan. I mean, now that I've actually looked at her properly, she's actually really pretty and sexy especially in her tight shirt and yoga pants showing all her assets. But seconds after of her trying to flirt shamelessly, she gave up because Peter just gave her a confused expression then he leans toward her friends.

"Sadie! Natalie!" She hissed at her friends, to come quickly. She then turns towards me when her friends was next to Peter now. "Do you mind if you take it?"

I blink at first, confused. Then I nod taking her phone from her, "Yeah, sure." She has the same phone as I do so it's easy to use it.

Peter offers me an apologetic look and mouths sorry at me, which I wave off. "Alright," I start and the ladies moves closer to Peter as much as they can without covering People all together. I countdown before I finally click for the photo.

I remember Peter saying just one photo so to respect his wishes I only clicked once and then I returned the phone. "Thanks," She smiles at me then back at Peter for one more glance as if throwing that secret message that whatever she has to offer is still on the table.

I had the fight the urge to roll my eyes. Then I turn to sit back across Peter.

"Do you want a photo with Peter Kavinsky too?" The lady named Natalie asks me politely.

Peter Kavinsky... I can't get used to how they say his full name like it's magic. To me he is Peter, Peter K, Kavinsky... when I call him by his full name I am sort irritated to the point of murder usually. "No, I'm good." I smile back. I don't need a photo of Peter I have alot of them from when we dated inside my hat box sitting in my closet at my Dad's house.

"Oh, okay." Natalie says, then gestures at Sadie to grab their other friend. "Dianne, let's go." Sadie mumbles to Dianne and pulls her away from probably removing Peter's clothes in her mind.

"Bye Peter Kavinsky!" Dianne says which thankfully it's their stop now too so the three of them leave the train.

Now it's just Peter and me, with four people in the train. The others were not bothered at all that Peter is in the train. A male was reading his ebook, a female is looking over at our direction but not at Peter really but she was annoyed at the three making noises in the quiet train (I believe she was sleeping). Then a couple, the girl was resting her head on her boyfriend's shoulder with her eyes closed while he was playing with her fingers in his then he kissed the top of her head.

I had to look away because I feel that I was invading their privacy and I locked into Peter's gaze. He was just watching me this entire time, waiting for me to react for something which I wasn't sure what.

For a few seconds, I don't even break eye contact. Tonight's fan interactions of Peter just reminds me that this guy sitting across me is not only the first boy I truly ever loved but he's  _Peter Kavinsky_ , hollywood actor. He has  _Kavinsanes_  (which is his fandom, they are Insane for Kavinsky) and I'm here forgetting that this is much more complicated than I thought.

What am I thinking running around with a guy that's easy to recognize in the streets of New York? Especially if he's one of the most wanted man in all of america by millions of women who are in dire need of promiscuity.  _Oh god, awesome image in your mind, Lara Jean._ And with that I turned away quickly and I'm irritated at myself.

He stands up and sits next to me. He doesn't say anything but after a second he nudges me with his shoulder. "What look did you just give me?"

I grit my teeth and shake my head. "What  _look_?" I have no clue what he's talking about.

He seems to be amused to me acting all innocent. He raises an eyebrow at me. "Really?" He doesn't believe me which I don't get. What look did I just give him, I don't remember giving him some sort of attitude.

I can feel my skin burn and I want to wipe that smile off his face, I roll my eyes at him. "You stop it or else I'll leave you here I'm sure someone would  _love_  to hang out with you instead."

He smirks at me delightfully. "Don't be jealous. I told you I don't sleep with women who aren't my girlfriend."

Yeah, thats still more than ten in the past seven years. But I bite my tongue instead giving him the satisfaction of reading into my thoughts. Besides, why would I be jealous? Why would I annoyed at someone who was ready to do a strip show for Peter, if he had asked for it? If she wanted to prove that she's so easy... it's not really my problem...

_Oh dear god what's wrong with me?_

I cleared my throat, then I raised my left hand it was an inch close to his face. "Well, why would I be jealous? I have this." And as soon as those words left my mouth, I regretted it immediately because his smile fell and his expression changed. He wasn't the playful Peter anymore and I felt guilty.

"Yeah I see that," His voice was low like he wasn't talking to me but more to himself, then he straightens no sign that he was flustered by me being a brat. "Though, I don't picture you as a round cut type of girl." He shrugs as if he imagines me in a different type of ring.

My eyes landed on my ring as if seeing it for the first time again, I love my ring though. When John proposed to me last week, he said that I can have the ring changed if I wanted a different one. But I said no because I love the fact that he made a choice without hinting out with what I might like.

There was no sign that he was going to propose at all. Usually, the girl would be suspicious and would foresee this but I didn't at all. We never talked about marriage or kids. We don't even live together, I might as well have since I stay at his apartment more than my own but I liked having my own place even if its cost effective.

So it came to such a surprise that he proposed to me on his birthday. I could barely remember what he said and because I was still processing what was happening; he was going on about things he sees in the future and then the ring. He was staring at me for a while and had to say my name twice before I tearily said yes.

"I see you as the princess cut, and Yes, you deserve a huge rock like that. But I know you want a simple yet beautiful not needing all that . It's like he's like marking you for everyone to see you're engaged."

I pursed my lips together, And clenched my fist together. Well, I do admit the ring is a little bit bigger than what I want it to be but it's still beautiful and I couldn't even dream up this ring even if I could. "Isn't it what it's supposed to be? To let everyone know that I'm taken?"

He shrugs, "Not how I would do it, I don't need to give a huge rock like that to prove something." But he was mostly talking to himself than to me.

"Peter—"

He stands up when the train stops, "Let's go."

I look at the the sign above but clearly we are still two stops before where we are actually headed, " _Why?_ "

He was turns anxiously at the door because it might close soon, "You trust me right?"

I blink, what kind of question is that of course I do. I wouldn't be walking around New York with him close to 1am. "You're seriously asking me that?"

He smiles at me and then gestures out the door, " _Let's go._ " He didn't even wait for me anymore but got off the train.

I quickly scrambled up since the doors were blinking. As soon as I hopped off, the train doors closed. "What are you planning?" Since he was clapping at me for making it just in time.

"You'll see," then he continues walking forward without even looking back.

I have seriously hit my head hard somewhere as I'm not even questioning anything anymore. I am just following him.

As we emerged out of the subway and I was speechless to see the Empire State Building infront of us in all it's colorful glory. The building is lighted green tonight.

"What time is it Lara Jean?" Peter asks me.

I twist my wrist to see it was 1:10am. Oh my it's late. I see a couple people enter the building. It's still open?

"The last ride to the top is in five minutes." He says urgently as he grabs a hold of my wrist and immediately pulls me when he started to run. His running, is sprinting for me in my short legs.

"Peter! What the—" Are we going up the observatory tower? I was happy I decided to wear sneakers today instead of the platform heels that Brandy forced me to wear or else I would have protested to this rushing and running.

The next few minutes was such a blur, Peter just gave me instructions to buy the tickets and he gave me the money. He said it didn't seem like a good Idea if he'd purchase the ticket. Or else he's be hashtagged on instagram and twitter really fast.

Peter and I made the final trip to the top which was at fifteen after one with a minute to spare. There was a young korean couple in the elevator with us. Peter was on the corner of the elevator hiding away or trying to test if the young couple knows him.

But they are too much into themselves to even notice that they weren't alone. They'd take selfies together and the guy would sneak a kiss on her shoulder or head.

It was sweet yet awkward at the same time, I'd glance over at Peter but his head was up the ceiling or staring at the floor sensor, probably praying the elevator would go quicker.

At least the two decided to lessen the PDA when the girl mumbled to her boyfriend that they weren't alone. You're about three minutes too late lady. But I understand, Koreans are very comfortable with public affections.

Peter sighs in relief when the elevator opened. He holds it open for the couple then gestures me out. I couldn't move though, I am too mesmerized by the view from where I'm standing. It's already beautiful and I haven't even seen all of it yet.

"Trust me, it's more when you go through." He gives me a light push on my back. He takes off his scarf to wrap it around my neck. "It's a bit chilly up here." Then he zips his jacket pulling the hood up to cover himself.

"Thanks." I mumble blankly because I am slowly moving towards the deck with Peter close behind me. There aren't much people here now so there are a few telescopes that are free so I'm headed there now. I don't need to use it but it's where the view is at it's finest.

"Oh wow this is so beautiful." I gasp. I've always loved the New York at night with all it's lights but being up here doesn't even come close to what I see below. It's incredible that I can feel my eyes water not from the wind blowing but just the appreciation of what I am seeing.

"Yeah it is," He says but he isn't looking at the view but at me, I know this because I can feel his eyes on me. My body shivers but not because of the cold wind. "Very beautiful..."

It's like a page out of a romance book when I turn to face him. He is gazing at me as if I'm the only thing that matters, not the actual view below us with all the city of New York can offer. My heart is jumping out of my chest and my stomach is turning... this isn't right. I shouldn't feel this way—

"Peter, I—"

" _Wait! Wait! Sir! Please!_ " There was a guy yelling frantically a few feet away from us. " _Please_ , don't take that box." When Peter and I looked over, A guy possibly our age or maybe younger was stopping a security guard from picking up a small hatbox from the ground.

The guard glares at the young man, and shoves the box to his chest. "You can't just leave boxes unattended in New York."

"Just for a second, please.  _My girlfriend_ —"

"Sir, I'm going to need you to take this."

But the guy didn't budge, he was close to groveling the security guard. "Please, just till my girlfriend comes to this corner. This is hers and she'll know it. It won't be left unattended, her dad proposed  _like this_ too—"

"Listen kid, you can probably do that  _three decades ago_  but not now. You can find  _somewhere_  else to propose to your girlfriend." The guard was a steel wall and refusing one small favor.

"Oh my god, Adam?" There was a girl standing a few feet behind me and Peter. I'm sure he didn't realize his girlfriend is close by listening in the whole entire time.

I could see his lips mouth a curse when he grabbed the box from the security guard and turn to face his girlfriend. "Candy," he looks so defeated since his plan was ruined.

"What—?" But before she could finish that sentence, her boyfriend took two huge strides towards her then bent down on one knee. "Adam," her voice broke, her hands on her lips.

"I had other plans on how to do this but I guess it's ruined now." He sets the big box on the ground next to him, only to take a smaller from inside. "But Candy Mills will you marry me?"

I bit my bottom lip watching them, because I might tear up as well witnessing this beautiful moment by people I've never met before. It's really magical these moments, it reminded me on my own proposal. I don't remember crying like she is when John asked. I stuttered yes but that's because I was so caught off guard by it.

Does that make me even more of a bad person?

"Yes, Adam Smith I will marry you. Oh dear god yes!" Then Adam slips the ring in her hand and gets up to wrap his arms around her.

Everyone that witnessed the proposal clapped for the newly engaged couple. One of the Koreans even took a photo of their beautiful moment.

"Congratulations!" There were mumbles in the crowd.

I felt Peter lean to my ear, "At least he didn't have to get to  _first base_ on a stuffed animal to get an answer." He teased.

I widen my and gasped, I turned to him to scowl. "Hey! You said it was because I loved  _Sleepless In Seattle!_  That kiss was part of the movie!"

He smirked and rolled his eyes, "Keep telling yourself that, Covey."

"Poor Howard was probably traumatized getting his first kiss from a guy." I teased back and bumped my shoulder on his arm.

He scoffed and shakes his head, "Hey, that bear lied to you. It was as satisfying to  _him_  as it was for  _me_."

And with that I laughed out loud that the crowd stopped clapping and stared at me. Even the couple stopped mid hug to look at me. I blushed wildly and I chewed on my cheek, "Congratulations,"

"Thanks," Candy said sincerely and then she hugged her fiancé again. They were in their own bubble now.

I cleared my throat and moved forward to hide myself from crowd. I should be more worried if Peter would get recognized and my head is on his chest but I'm too embarrassed really to get the attention to me.

Peter chuckled, enjoying this far too much like some sort of delayed payback. "Its okay. This is far less embarrassing than the making out with a bear."

"Well you didn't have to kiss the bear, Peter." I hissed at him. He keeps brining it up like he's upset that I embarrassed him in front of our class. He didn't seem to mind back then but I guess it did.

He chuckles and lightly brushes the hair in my lip, "It got you to go to prom with me. Though I wouldn't have minded if I got a kiss from someone else other than Howard."

My throat closes up and I almost coughed in his face. "Peter, I—" I didn't even realize that I am a couple inches away from him. I can feel his breath on my cheek, and it's making me blink a lot longer than I should.

"What?" He whispers, his breath is making me intoxicated. I may be imagining it but is he getting closer?

Then I felt my side vibrate wildly where his pocket his. I finally woke up from my daze and jumped back. "I think your phone is ringing." I stuttered in a panic. "You should answer it."

He clenched his teeth and reached for his pocket. He stares at his caller, rolls his eyes and canceled the call. "It's Mark."

Mark Tuan, Peter's college roommate who became his manager when he dropped out of Med School. They have remained good friends since then and It's nice to know that someone from before Peter got famous looking out for him. "Oh, that's nice. How is Mark?"

"A pain in my ass."

Same old Peter, his love and hate relationship with Mark but he could never live without that guy though. They had become a weird dependent bromance with each other during as soon as they met. "Well, I'm sure you're a pain to his as well. If you're avoiding his call." Plus the fact that Peter was supposedly in Vegas a few hours ago.

"He's just letting me know, that he is boarding his plane to come to New York." California is the state of residence of Peter and Mark. "He'll be here in four hours because he thinks I'm a flight risk."

I raise an eyebrow, confused. " _Flight risk?_ "

"I have to fly back to LA in the morning. He thinks I won't get on that plane."

That's when it hit me, when Peter said One Last Night it's because he is leaving as soon as the sun rises. Back to our lives, none of this dream state closure we both believe we need. Five hours, he's leaving for LA then while I have to go back to make final preparations before tomorrow. I should be sleeping now.

"Why does he think you won't get on that plane?" I ask.

He smiles at me then looks at the view below us. He stays quiet for a couple seconds before he says, "I don't know."

"Oh," I'm not sure what if he means he doesn't know or he doesn't want to talk about it, wanting to dismiss the question all together. I've seen this on him so many times during the last few months in our relationship, that I could spot it a mile away. Then we'd fight about it to get him to talk but I don't have that right anymore. If he wants to drop it. Consider it dropped, "Should we go?"

"What?" He's caught off guard by this. He's checking if I'm upset. "We don't have to if you don't want to."

And i take a deep breathe, I still want to stay up here for a few minutes to soak in the view. "Oh, okay." Then I walk a but back to the railing to look further.

I can feel Peter stand next to me, "You aren't getting rid of me that easily, Covey."

I close my eyes and grin, "I wasn't going to."

"Well, just saying. We still have a few hours. We should make that count."

I nod. I don't know what will come of this night but I can feel something creeping up inside me. It's that girl I hid all this years, hurt from our break up. She wants answers and I'm sure he does too. "Yeah."

* * *

_**EDIT(3/11/2019)**  this isn't a preview anymore... this is just a stand alone chapter. Hope you enjoy!_

_A_ _/N: I'm still alive... it's just i have been catching up with life and honestly i kinda got writers block and American TV shows are keeping my mind off but i have been slowly writing like this preview for you guys. Tell me what you think so far. I'm sorry if Ive been quiet. But im still here the plot is in my head just the writing. Hope u enjoy the preview! :)_


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